How To Seduce A Men/Women U want To date

LOVE ME? GIMME YOUR PASSWORD!

2012-01-29T00:24:00.001-08:00

LOVE ME? GIMME YOUR PASSWORD!

    Arecent survey claims that 30% of teenagers who use the internet have shared at least one personal online password with a friend or a significant other. The study also says that girls are twice as likely as boys to give away their secret codes. Strange as it may sound, it is beginning to be considered as a sign of trust and intimacy among youngsters.
BFFs SHARE EVERYTHING That girlie bonding between two BFFs (Best Friends Forever) has now extended to sharing passwords. “My best friend and I share everything, and never keep a secret from each other, then why not our passwords? She checks my social networking page and informs me immediately if my crush comments on my picture, and I can check her mails and see which forward mail in her inbox I’d like for myself, etc. It’s just fun,” says Shweta Pahujani, 19, a fashion designing student. Some have a serious reason too. “Ever since that b**ch in my class blocked me from her Facebook list, I took my best friend’s password to check her account for that girl’s updates. She got clicked with my boyfriend... &%*#$...” details a livid Aakriti Menon, 16, a class XI student. Another curious case is of photographer Ayesha Sharma, 22, who feels that sharing passwords with her friend is important. Otherwise, who will keep her account active when she, ahem, dies? “I mean, people can refer to my account even after I am gone,” she explains, “I share it with my best friend and I know she can be trusted. That way, maybe, I’d never die, at least not for my loved ones.”
DO YOU LOVE ME? THEN GIVE ME YOUR PASSWORD According to the study, passwords are being compared to sex in terms of intimacy and vulnerability. So, people need to share them to show that they trust their partner. More often than not, girls urge their boyfriends to share their passwords so that they can check if they’re cheating on them, etc. The insecure ones even check their BFs’ chat records to know ‘woh us ladki se kya baat kar raha tha?’ “We know each other’s passwords and I love to scan every single chat of his. Somehow, it gives me peace of mind to know that he is loyal to me. Surprisingly, he does not even talk about me with his friends, something I thought he did,” discloses Manjari Malhotra, 23, a content writer. But as researchers warn, password-sharing can have dangerous implications. “My girlfriend demanded my password, scanned my chats, and later broke up with me, ’coz she was upset that I complimented my female classmate. I’m not doing this ever again in a relationship,” rues Shivam Singh, 20, a law student.
CAN’T SHARE YOUR PASSWORD? I’M BREAKING UP However, some people might suffer a breakup only because they did not share their passwords. Ruchi Anand, 22, recalls, “My boyfriend wanted my Facebook password, and I didn’t want to give it. I wasn’t comfortable with letting him read my and my best friend’s girlie conversations. Eventually, we broke up.”
WHAT DO THEY DO WITH PASSWORDS?
    “When I found out that my best friend was dating the guy I had a crush on, I forwarded the two’s online conversation to my friend’s mom. She got the lesson of her life.”
    “I learnt that my boyfriend was dating multiple girls. So I used his password and sent a hate mail to all those girls. They dumped him, I dumped him too. My revenge was over.”
    “I sent a love letter to our class teacher from my ex’s account. He still doesn’t know who did it.”

Women crave for pillow talk after sex

2012-01-29T00:09:00.001-08:00

Women crave for pillow talk after sex

    American psychologists have found that women whose partners finish off a night of passion by immediately turning over and nodding off are left feeling insecure and craving affection. They said cuddling and talking after sex is a crucial way for a couple to express their commitment to each other. In relationship terms, they say it could be just as important as what happens before sex, or even the act itself.
    For the result, they questioned 456 heterosexual people, who completed online surveys about their sleep patterns with their partner. Author Dr Daniel Kruger said they found the participants’ desire for emotional bonding, affection and communication was greatest when their partner fell asleep first. This was found in both men and women but previous studies have shown men invariably fall asleep first.
    “When their partner fell asleep first, they craved that bonding time, for expressions of affection and endearment, and felt it was lacking,” said Dr Kruger.
    While this study did not confirm that men were more likely to fall asleep first, he said two of his previous studies and other research suggested it was true.
    A study last year linked this to production of the hormones oxytocin and prolactin which create a sedative, or ‘roll over and snore’ effect in men after making love. But Dr Kruger and his co-author Susan Hughes believe there are evolutionary, as well as chemical reasons for it. They suggest falling asleep before their partner may be a non-conscious way for men to ‘foreclose’ any conversations about commitment.

Why is he being so unreasonable?

2012-01-28T23:37:00.001-08:00

Why is he being so unreasonable?

My man of the moment read my last post where I’d raved about being in Paris, and he is now sulking big time. He called me after reading the post and declared that he was taking me to Paris on a five-star vacation. I refused and he is so pissed. I really want to do this myself. Backpack-style. And I want to do it my way. I think what he is really mad about is what if my statement of finding the happily-everafter kind of love in the City of Lights were to actually come true. Well, we are great together, but I don’t see him as the one I will grow old with. Not yet anyway. He of course, laughs that off and thinks I am a child who doesn’t understand what she wants and what is good for her (him, I guess). I don’t know if it’s me or just men in general, but they all want to save and protect me. From my father, brother and the men in my life — that has been a constant. And that’s something I have always rebelled against with a vengeance. I cherish my freedom and am quite capable of taking care of myself. Ralph doesn’t want to accept this, and he went on and on about how I shouldn’t travel by myself or with my gal pals as it’s not safe. He even mentioned the film Hostel in which girls travelling alone in Europe meet a gory end. I laughed at that, and he stormed out of the house. I had to run after him and drag him back to the couch. Then he began ranting about not having known of my plan and having to read it on my blog. I tried explaining to him that this had been on my mind for months, and much before we got together, but there is just no pacifying his hurt male ego, is there? Then he said that though I refuse to go with him, he should be the one planning where I stay. He wants to make all the bookings and reservations, and wants me to fly first class. He was even ready to extend funds for my friends when I told him that they might not be able to afford five-star hotels and first class travel. Models don’t get paid that well! Anyway, I refused his sweet offer in the sweetest possible manner, but I have hurt his ego and it will be a while before things become normal again. He has dropped the subject for now but I know he’s going to bring up the topic again, and get me to try and change my mind, which isn’t going to happen. Then he will call me stubborn and I will accuse him of trying to control me. It’s a pattern that I have been through with all my boyfriends. Why is he being so unreasonable? It’s the same reason why I broke up with his brother. He tried to control what I did in my career and now this one wants to tell me what I can and can’t do in my personal life. Next he will read this and get madder. Arrrgh! This is so frustrating. I am going to go and blast Britney Spears’ Overprotected on my iPod now.

Have sex, live longer

2012-01-08T02:37:00.001-08:00

Have sex, live longer

The good news? Regular sex improves hormone levels, heart health and brain power and revs up your immune system also.

    Everyone knows that good sex feels fabulous at any age. But what’s not as well known is that a regular roll in the hay can also add up to eight years to your life expectancy. Not only that, but the more orgasms you have, the longer you can expect to live.
AIM FOR AN ORGASM It’s not just the amount of sex you’re having that counts when it comes to adding years to your life – it’s the quality, too. One study discovered that orgasms can increase the body’s infection-fighting cells by up to 20%.
    Even more impressive is the fact that regular orgasms make men twice as likely to live into old age as those who don’t have sex and women to live up to eight years longer.
    Having an orgasm floods the body with moodboosting chemicals and promotes relaxation.
Years added: Up to eight CUDDLE UP Cuddling isn’t just an enjoyable aspect of good sex – it also helps to release the “bonding hormone” oxytocin, which has been linked to life expectancy. Babies and even animals that are deprived of this hormone, which is triggered by positive touching, often fail to thrive.
    Research has found that oxytocin can dramatically boost longevity and people in relationships are less vulnerable to chronic diseases and depression.
Years added: Seven MORE, MORE, MORE! Having sex at least once a week will keep your hormones, heart and brain in top condition. The more you have, the better the benefits. Men who have sex three or more times a week reduce their risk of heart attack or stroke by 50%.
    Feeling happy and positive about your life can also add years. Regular sex releases “feel good” endorphins at any age, and is a stress buster.
Years added: Up to two COOK UP A STORM IN THE BEDROOM To enjoy good sex, it helps if you’re in the mood – which is why brain chemicals are so important. A lack of desire, once you’ve ruled out illness, tiredness, or other issues, can be down to a reduction in one of four brain chemicals — dopamine, acetylcholine, GABA and serotonin.
    To get them up to speed again, certain herbs and spices can help. For dopamine, which enhances mood and confidence, try basil, black pepper, chillies, garlic, ginger and turmeric.
Years added: Up to ten WORK UP A SWEAT Sex provides almost all the same benefits as regular exercise, without having to hit the treadmill. It increases circulation and metabolism and burns about 30 calories for 20 minutes of reasonably active sex. That means in an hour you’ve burnt off a glass of wine or a couple of biscuits.
    And when it comes to good bone health and avoiding osteoporosis in later life, it’s good news. Middle-aged women who have weekly sex have been found to have twice the bone-protecting oestrogen levels of those who don’t.
    Keep sex fun by switching positions. If you always do it in missionary, speed up your heart rate by going on top for a change.
Years added: Up to ten PUT YOUR HEART INTO IT Cutting down on fat and giving up smoking is great for your heart, but not always fun. Sex, on the other hand, is fantastic for your heart – with none of the dull, boring bits.
    And it’s not only women who benefit in the heart stakes. A study last year by the New England Research Institute showed that having sex twice a week can reduce the risk of a heart attack by 45% – and if that’s upped to three times a week, it’s down to 50%. This is thought to be down to endorphins, which can help neutralise stress hormones.
    One study suggests that a powerful orgasm is equivalent to a shot of Valium and works immediately as a relaxant.
    Give each other a sensual massage to help stress melt away. Lots of stroking and intimate touches will soon put you in the mood for more, all the while releasing all that built-up tension.
Years added: Up to fifteen

The gossip was more delicious than the food

2012-01-08T02:32:00.000-08:00

The gossip was more delicious than the food

I am getting a little tired of people abusing me for pouring my heart out on this blog. Why? The girls don’t have a problem with the life I am leading. They seem to have a problem with my writing about it. I don’t understand why. I value my privacy and therefore, it is an anonymous blog. But why are these women acting like my mother? She is the only one allowed to approve or disapprove my lifestyle. My older bro of course, acts like a member of the Taliban and wants to lock me indoors. If I was in Iran or the interiors of North India, I am sure a male member of extended family would’ve killed me, and people would’ve read about the honour killing in the papers the next morning. Or maybe it would’ve never been reported. I hear that a majority of such cases are not reported. I was reading a piece last month about an Iranian father who shot his three daughters aged 7, 12 and 19 with a Kalashnikov, and filmed it. Saw the video on the net. It is so disturbing. This guy, Mahmoud felt that his daughters had taken embarrassing decisions, making him feel ashamed. He waited until his wife went away to a friend’s wedding before he shot them. If that is good enough reason to kill someone, I am really hoping my dad never reads that piece. I shouldn’t joke about this. I am lucky to be born in a country where I have some rights. That’s why I love Bombay. Yes, I will call it that forever. It will never be Mumbai for me. This city just lets me be. I can do as I please. Live alone, wear what I want, go where I please, date who I like, and hail a cab at 4 am from any corner and reach home without worrying about my safety. Unlike Delhi, where the chances of my getting raped and killed are higher than those of reaching home safely. Which is why whenever I am in Delhi, I make sure someone fetches me to and from the airport, and I don’t go out after dark. Which is restricting. And given that I am currently dating my ex-beau’s older brother, chances are he wants me dead, so I choose never to be alone to avoid an ugly scene in public. Beau, me and a society bird did lunch two days ago in a new hotspot in the capital, and I must say that the gossip I got from there was far more delicious than the food. I heard about this former actress who is having an affair with her best friend’s husband. How a top actor’s wife, who is originally from Delhi, has smartly cultivated friends with husbands who own private planes, so that she and her gang of friends can hop on whenever they fancy. Talk about being materialistic! And her own husband can afford to buy a plane. It costs a lot less than their London mansion, ‘palace’ in Dubai and other assorted property around the world. Well, you know what they say: money can buy you stuff, it cannot buy you class.

EVERYBODY’S HAVING SEX – IF THEY’RE NOT, THEY’RE LOSERS!

2012-01-07T05:53:00.000-08:00

EVERYBODY’S HAVING SEX – IF THEY’RE NOT, THEY’RE LOSERS!

    Aastha Atray, some might feel, has the dream job – she writes about sex and love. Aastha is the newest entrant to the Indian literary market with her own version of the Mills & Boon’s romance fiction genre. The second Indian author, after Milan Vohra, for the series of romance books, Aastha defends the various stereotypes associated with the books.
    Her debut novel, “His Monsoon Bride”, seems to fit perfectly into M&B’s signature style of inevitable happy endings. And she’s quite alright with that, arguing that these days, a happy ending is more the exception than the norm. “Happy endings are not predictable these days. Where do you get people who write happy endings? We all write about dysfunctional relationships and we all have dysfunctional relationships. Nice to have something to hope for, so why not read one of these books and hope? In the world that we live in, where relationships and marriages don’t work, this is less predictable… a happy ending.”
    Aastha also rubbishes the notion that a typical Mills & Boon reader is an escapist. “My book is not about escapism. It’s set in real India, in Mumbai as it is now. Some genres may be like that and there are many M&Bs that present escapist fantasies, but I think with the newer authors, that’s not the case,” she says. Originally from Delhi, the author now lives in Mumbai with her husband and has been married for six years.
    Like Milan, Aastha shies away from vividly describing sex in her book – a trait one would generally associate with the books, and one of the reasons they are so popular. “I was asked if I wanted to include sex in my book. We are in the 20th century and Indians are having sex, we are not a sexless country. If you’re not having sex, you’re a loser, everybody knows about it, so you can’t have an Indian novel without that element. Yes, there is sex, but it is not as explicit, because I can’t write that way. I am not comfortable using language as intimate as that. There are aesthetic sex scenes in the book, but not as explicit,” she clarifies.
    Since love stories are also staple fare for Bollywood, is that anywhere on the horizon? “I would love to write for Bollywood. My book would probably translate into a romantic comedy or drama on screen. If Bollywood is open to adapting books, why not? If a book becomes a screenplay, tweaking is needed. So if the film isn’t exactly the way the book turned out, I wouldn’t mind,” says Aastha, reacting to Chetan Bhagat’s “3 Idiots” controversy and how Bollywood is aspirational for her.
    Aastha’s hero, Mehtab Rathod, is aloof and indifferent and the heroine is slightly insecure, “like any other normal girl”, the author says. “She is not Katrina Kaif but she’s good looking. Usually, these novels have a good looking guy and girl who fall in love after hating each other at first sight… typically Bollywood. My story is a tad bit different in the sense that Amrita is insecure about her weight and doesn’t think she’s that good looking, and one will hate the hero at first. He’s the kind of businessman who puts up a front and doesn’t let his guard down at first. My story is not over the top, its very modern,” she adds.

Experts advise on how to cope when you feel insecure

2012-01-07T05:51:00.000-08:00

Experts advise on how to cope when you feel insecure and turn green with envy, on seeing your guy with other women

    Do you get annoyed when your man hangs out with his female pals? Well, you are not the only one who feels like that. There are thousands of women who are in a relationship and feel insecure when their man is around beautiful women. It is true that guys value confidence and an independent woman is a huge turn-on for them. So women it is time to turn a new leaf and maybe get him to chase you once again.
EXPERTSPEAK Dr Kanan Khatau, clinical psychologist, says, “A woman usually behaves in a jealous manner when there is a history of emotional upheaval which goes back to her childhood days or her previous relationships. This fear overshadows their personality which affects their behavioural pattern in a way that they start hounding their mate. This indeed makes it difficult for the man to live with such a woman. They live in a matchbox and want their partner to do the same – to be and behave like them. Over the years, I have seen a lot of similar cases where it is the man who is outgoing and more social and the woman cannot take it.”
    Kanan suggests, “If your feelings are genuine then you should tell your partner that you are bothered. If he is understanding enough he will not abuse the freedom you have given him. Also, it’s best to be upfront with him from the start. For, if you fake your feelings, when you are dating, thinking you need to give him space so that the relation works out initially, it may backfire later when the couple gets married. The real self of the woman comes out later and she becomes clingy.”
    Seema Hingoranny, psychologist, adds, “I tell all my female clients not to suppress their emotions. Because if they do so, it will ultimately come out in a negative way and will end up in fights or a cold war. There are women who either have a problem of being a little jealous or are way too jealous. Either way the trick is to talk things out. Express your feelings when he is in a better mood. Try not to accuse him because it may end up in a fight.”
HOW YOU CAN OVERCOME JEALOUSLY

• Acknowledge your own weaknesses and flaws. Most of the time feelings of jealousy stem from our own insecurities. Learn to love yourself first. Accepting your flaws will help you understand yourself better and will help you accept how you are.

• Learn from your past relationships and how your negative behaviour affected them. Getting upset and insecure can be the main reason for your troubled love life. Focus on what is happening in front of you, otherwise you might find it difficult to separate fact from fiction.

• When you have a jealousy pang just take a deep breath and think calmly as to what evidence do you have for your thoughts. When you come up with the answer, see whether it is real or simply your distorted perception.

• Take the help of your partner when you feel low and have that sudden pang of jealousy. When in public, agree on a gesture or a sign that you both understand that will cue him in on how you are feeling. So that he can be by your side to give you emotional support when you need it.

• A simple gesture like holding your hand or putting an arm around you can make a difference. But then he can do that only till a point. After that it depends on how you deal with your feelings. Do not be over critical of your partners actions.

The childhood and love life connection

2011-12-28T05:23:00.001-08:00

The childhood and love life connection

    Iinterpersonal experiences of an individual as an infant can predict his behaviour in romantic relationships as an adult, according to a new US study.
    “Your experiences with your mother during the first 12 to 18 months of life predict your behaviour in romantic relationships 20 years later,” said psychologist Jeffry A Simpson.
    Simpson explained that what happens to you as a baby affects the adult you become. It’s not such a new idea for psychology – but solid evidence for it has been lacking till now.
    In a study on 75 children of lowincome mothers – from birth into their early 30s, including their close friends and romantic partners – the researchers investigated the links between mother-infant relationships and later love partnerships.
    The study showed that the ability to trust, love, and resolve conflict with loved ones starts in childhood – way earlier than one generally imagines.
    The research also showed that while those attitudes can change with new relationships, introspection, and therapy, in times of stress, old patterns often reassert themselves.
    The mistreated infant becomes the defensive arguer, the baby whose mother was attentive and supportive works through problems, secure in the goodwill of the other person, the report said. P

The different stages of love

2011-12-11T02:10:00.000-08:00

The different stages of love

From attraction to obsession to attachment,love takes you through different stages and though the thrill of the obsessive stage is seductive,it is soon followed by the reassuring warmth of emotional bonding!

MOST television soaps keep the romantic lead stuck for long periods in loves obsessive state.The camera caresses them from every angle as they stay frozen,giving each other prolonged lovelorn looks.Audience hearts stop likewisefreefalling with a collective thud as the screen couples loaded gazes break contact!
This is repeated with nauseating frequency,television producers fighting shy of having the couple declare their feelings,as this would result in an assured dip in TRPs.The audience waits for the climactic declaration,and then loses interest! Who is interested in happily-ever-after The excitement and adrenaline-laden moments all happen before the couple settles down to eternal,stable,boring bliss.And TV believes in doling out the just-before moments by the ladles to a romance-starved audience.
Wouldnt it be nice if in real life too one could stay stuck forever in loves obsessive state where every footfall announces a lovers visit,each whisper shivers down the spine,and any sound seems sweet as a nightingales song! A state of constant edge-of-seat excitement and suspense,not knowing what further delights the next moment will unfold!
This of course is the second stage of falling in love,as enumerated by love researcher Helen Fisher of Rutgers University in New Jersey.The first stage is the phase of attraction,when you first find yourself drawn by and interested in another.In men this is typified by lust,a sexual attraction often fuelled by visual interest;in women,it is often the result of a mans interest in them,or his intellect,power or status.This stage quickly gives way to the obsessive second stage when hormones rage uncontrollably,keeping one on a perpetual high,with senses as though of hemlock drunk.Every thought is of the beloved,each waking moment a bated breath,and sleep just an excuse to dream some more!
Science has established the actual chemical changes that take place in the obsessive state of love.The release of Dopamine gives one the same high as being on cocaine or nicotine.Adrenaline that courses through the veins increases heartbeats and is responsible for the restless excitement.Levels of serotonin take a dip,which is what makes the initial stages of love akin to the symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder sleeping less,eating less,obsessively thinking of the lover and a constant living in wait of the next meeting!
With such excitement-inducing chemicals,is it surprising that one would like to stay in this state forever Maybe one should end affairs the moment they start,because the fun is actually already over by the time real romance begins;it is teetering on the edge of the precipice that gives one the highs,much more than the free fall into an abyss! And as a colleague said wistfully,if this phase just has to end,wouldnt it be nice to quit a relationship at the stage when romance quits,and fall all over in love again with someone else! That would be a nice way to hoodwink the natural progression of things and remain on a romantic high forever, he grinned cockily.
But life is about moving on,not staying perched in one place.And so,in real life,as well as on the small screen,finally comes the day when romance is declared.By now the chemically-laden activity has settled down and you are able to focus on rest of life as well,apart from each other.And now comes the critical third stage of love.Some couples discover that there is nothing left once the chemistry is gone;others find a confident,stable love takes over from an uncertain,excited and nervous romance.Hormones settle down and one reaches the next stage of love;Oxytocin,the chemical for warm bonding,takes over.This chemical is released during orgasm and also during childbirth and helps create bonds between a couple,who now transcend from obsession into a deeper and mature partnership.It is because of this quality of Oxytocin that physical contact,if indulged in a bit too soon in a relationship,can be misleading! All three stages of love have their own unique characteristics and each prepares us for the next,logically falling in line with Natures natural plan of progression and procreation.Of course for those who would rather stay with the thrills and peaks rather than follow a steadier horizontal graph,my colleagues suggestion of staying forever in the second stage of loving by jumping from one love to another,may be worth a try!

If Botox is the answer,so be it!

2011-12-11T02:09:00.000-08:00

If Botox is the answer,so be it!

The other day I was having coffee with my new beau and my best gay buddy at a five-star hotel.It was one of the most entertaining evenings that I have spent in a long time.Every time a good-looking girl passed by,they followed her with their eyes.This went on for a while.No,it did not make me mad.I am intelligent enough to know guys look at every pretty young thing.They are wired that way,and if you believe that your guy has eyes only for you,then you are being very foolish.I heard my 35-yearold cousin say: The trick is to remain hotter and yo u n ge r than girls around.If Botox is the answer,so be it.She a l s o wa r n e d me never to get out of shape.In the words of the wise,A man will want you as long as other guys want you.That makes you a prize catch.The day he notices other guys stop looking at you,he will lose interest. Anyway,I am at least a decade away from hitting that side of 30,but its good to know what women on the other side are dealing with.To come back to the two men with roving eyes at the table,I asked Mack,what his interest was in looking at the girls.He said,Darling,I am looking and lusting.I wish I had her boobs and hair.I am drooling over the shoes and wondering how hot I would look in that top.But I cant wear them in public so I silently hate them. And what about you,I asked my man of the moment.He tried unsuccessfully to convince me that he wasnt looking.When he realised I wasnt buying that,he grinned,Just looking.Not wanting. He got a big smooch from me for saying the right thing,though I didnt believe it.It helped that every guy around was looking at him with envy when I pulled back.

How to fend off unwanted male attention

2011-12-11T01:53:00.001-08:00

How to fend off unwanted male attention

If a man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle,as the feminist slogan has it,can the behaviour of our aquatic ancestors teach us anything about human relations
Yes,according to scientists who have studied the strategies adopted by females for fending off unwanted male attention.The secret,they say,is to surround yourself with more attractive female friends.
You see this in school playgrounds a bunch of girls hanging out together who are a mixture of the flirty and the shy,the latter gaining comfort from the protection afforded by their more extrovert and glamorous companions.
Researchers studying a species of small freshwater fish called the Trinidadian guppy found that females chose to swim in groups with others more attractive than themselves and so reduced the constant harassment and frequent mating attempts for which male guppies have a reputation.
The burden on females from the persistent unwanted male advances can be so great that they have difficulty finding food or escaping from predators.Female guppies are receptive to mating for a few days each month during which they emit a sexual pheromone that attracts males.

Men dont think of sex all day: Study

2011-12-11T01:52:00.000-08:00

Men dont think of sex all day: Study

If you believe men think about sex all day long,youre wrong.According to the study Sex on the Brain: An Examination of Frequency of Sexual Cognitions as a Function of Gender,Erotophilia,and Social Desirability,by Terri D.Fisher,Zachary T.Moore and Mary-Jo Pittenger to be published in the January issue of The Journal of Sex Research,the statistic oft-cited by the sex-obsessed or those critical of the sex-obsessed that men think about sex every seven seconds is way off.
The story about this paper thats been reported in the press has been Men think about sex 19 times a day! said Terri Fisher,a psychology professor at Ohio State University at Mansfield,and the studys lead author.But that isnt all that much when you consider the studys participants were college students,those repositories of raging hormones and unfettered urges.
The more interesting finding is that male college students think just as much about food and sleep as they do about sex, Dr.Fisher said.
To determine how much time people devoted to such thoughts,the researchers asked 283 students age 18 to 25 to use clickers (golf score counters ),whenever they contemplated one of lifes three basic needs.Previous studies on the subject were overwhelming retroactively self-reported;researchers asked people after the fact to recollect how often they thought about sex,a method fraught with error.
Of course,all kinds of caveats still apply.Did they worry about clicking too often,or too infrequently,and selfadjust accordingly What kind of thoughts were they having Was it,Id really like to sleep with my bosss new assistant or I wonder whether squirrels mate in the spring
Moreover,people lie,even to themselves,about more than just sex: Did women undercount their thoughts about food,so as not to appear anorexic on the one hand or a gourmand on the other
But the study yielded some interesting insights.The number of thoughts men had about sex each day varied from as few as 1 to as many as 388.Womens thoughts about sex were in a range of 1 to 140 times a day.These ranges make averages particularly unreliable,with the median number more informative: for men,19 thoughts about sex daily;for women,10.(Women thought about food and sleep less frequently as well.)
Gender,it turns out,is not the major determinant of how often students think about sex.More influential is a persons self-measured degree of erotophilia or comfort with sexuality.People who like sex and feel comfortable with it think about it more.

Teen sex hits brain growth?

2011-12-04T05:31:00.001-08:00

Teen sex hits brain growth?

Washington: Having sex during the adolescent years could negatively affect the mood and brain development during adulthood, a new study has claimed. One reason the researchers from the Ohio State University College of Medicines believe could be that during adolescence the nervous system is still in the developing phase that can have broad consequences.
    The researchers, who carried out their study on hamsters, found that the animals that mated earlier in life had higher levels of depressive behaviours, changes to the brain and smaller reproductive tissues compared to those that had intercourse later or not at all. “Having a sexual experience during this time point, early in life, is not without consequence,” study co-author John Morris, a doctoral student in psychology at Ohio State, was quoted as saying by LiveScience.
    However, the researchers cautioned that the study should not be used to promote teenage abstinence, as they noted that the research was carried out on hamsters and it isn’t certain the same conclusion will hold for humans. For their study, the researchers had a group of 40-day-old male hamsters (the equivalent of human teens) mate with adult females in heat. A second group of males mated in adulthood (80 days into life), while a control group was not exposed to females.
    The researchers found that the animals that had sex at 40 days when placed in water were more likely to stop swimming vigorously, a symptom of depression, than the other three groups. The group that had sex in adolescence also showed less complexity in the brain’s dendrites, the branching extensions of neurons that receive messages from other nerve cells, and higher expression of a gene associated with inflammation.

Oldies, have sex to stay happy

2011-11-29T00:06:00.000-08:00

The more often married individuals above the age of 65 engage in sex, the more likely they are to be happy with both their lives and marriages. Based on the survey responses of 238 married individuals aged 65 years or older, Adrienne Jackson found that frequency of sex significantly
predicted both general and marital happiness.

Old CoupleThe link even remained after accounting for factors such as age, gender, health status, and satisfaction with financial situations, said Jackson, assistant professor at Florida Agriculture and Mechanical University.

While only 40 percent of individuals who reported no sexual activity in the last 12 months said they were very happy with life in general, almost 60 percent who engaged in sexual activity more than once a month said they were very happy, according to a Florida statement.

Similarly, while about 59 percent of individuals who reported no sexual activity in the last 12 months said they were very happy with their marriage, almost 80 percent who had sex more than once a month said they were very happy.

To assess frequency of sexual activity, respondents were asked the following question: "About how many times did you have sex during the last 12 months? By 'sex' we mean vaginal, oral, or anal sex."

To assess general happiness, respondents were asked the following question: "Taken all together, how would you say things are these days - would you say that you are very happy, pretty happy, or not too happy?"

To assess marital happiness, respondents were asked the following question: "Taking things all together, how would you describe your marriage? Would you say that your marriage is very happy, pretty happy, or not too happy?"

These findings were presented at The Gerontological Society of America's (GSA) 64th Annual Scientific Meeting in Boston.

Most men happy with breadwinner wives

2011-11-29T00:05:00.000-08:00

Men today are happy with their wives earning more than them and have no qualms in looking after the house, a new study has suggested. A study carried out by the U.S. edition of Men’s Health magazine claims it marks the death knell for ‘1950s man’.

Back in the 1950s the man was the
undisputed family breadwinner. But men today are apparently happy to play second fiddle to their wives when it comes to money.

Three-quarters of men now say it is no longer important for them to be the one who earns the most, new research has revealed. The study found that 45 per cent of men are now ‘very willing’ to look after the house if their wives earn more.

While one in five are already doing so and happily play househusband to their wealthier partners but there is a price for some - half of men think they have to give up some of their masculinity to become what they considered to be a ‘nurturing father’.

CoupleThe survey also revealed that another big change was how men see other men earning less than their wives - nowadays there is less peer pressure than before to be the breadwinner.

“The ‘50s are over. Father didn’t even always know best back then,” the Daily Mail quoted the magazine’s U.S. editor Peter Moore as saying.

“So, if one of the things a woman knows best is how to bring in a big income, more power to her - and more money to pay for the holiday trip to Aruba.”

“Really, today’s man isn’t hung up with the gender stereotypes of prior generations,” he added.

The study also found that some 89 per cent agreed that protecting your family is a vital characteristic of being a man today while only 29 per cent strongly agreed that it’s OK to cry as a man.

TIPS: How to improve your sex life

2011-11-29T00:04:00.000-08:00

Women who are able to train their thoughts while love-making, experience more pleasure between the sheets, a new study has revealed.

Researchers from the Brown University in Rhode Island monitored the behaviour of 44 students, 30 of whom were female, and half of whom had taken a 12-week
meditation course.

MeditationAccording to MyHealthNewsDaily.com, the participants were shown a slideshow of “erotic” images and were then asked to describe their reaction as either “calm”, “excited” or “aroused”.

They found that the women who had been meditating were quicker at registering sexual arousal. The study also revealed that women who meditate demonstrate increased self-compassion, less anxiety and improved attention span.

“It’s interesting, the women who took longer to register feelings of sexual arousal at baseline were also the ones who were the harshest self-judgers,” the Daily Mail quoted Gina Silverstein, the lead author as saying.

“'Rather than feeling it, they get caught up in their heads. So it’s definitely a correlated effect,” she said.

Why women tend to fake orgasm

2011-11-29T00:03:00.000-08:00

Women regularly fake orgasm to ensure that their partners remain faithful to them, a new report has claimed.

According to a report compiled by Farnaz Kaighobadi from Columbia University, Todd Shackelford and Viviana Weekes-Shackelford from Oakland University, “mate-guarding” behaviour was
found to be more common among those with suspicions their boyfriends and husbands might stray.

The researchers surveyed 453 women, ranging in age from 18 to 46, who had been in relationships for at least six months, and more than half of those involved in the study admitted to having faked an orgasm.

Orgasm“One particular reason that emerges from a lot of studies is “to keep my partner interested in this relationship”, or “to prevent him from defecting from the relationship or leaving the relationship for another woman’,” the Daily Mail quoted Kaighobadi as saying.

The researchers also found that the group of women faking orgasm was also more likely to have suspicions about their partners’ fidelity as compared to those who said they had never faked an orgasm.

An online guidebook on safe sex

2011-11-29T00:01:00.000-08:00

A website promising to offer clear and non-judgemental information to the young on safe sex, homosexuality and other sex-related issues has been launched, it was announced in New Delhi on Friday.

The site has two versions -- lovematters.info in English and lovematters.in in Hindi -- and was launched by Dutch international public broadcaster Radio Netherlands Worldwide.

Apart from the website, people can access the information on their mobiles too.

“Before coming to India, we conducted a survey in Delhi and Mumbai and a majority of the 300 people interviewed said they wanted such information, but preferred if they got it on their mobiles,” Michele Ernsting, coordinator of Love Matters, said.

“Though it's a sensitive subject, the response in India was overwhelming so we decided to launch the sites here,” added Ernsting.

The website offers personal stories, blogs, news and studies tailored for the Indian audiences and the information can be accessed without registering.

“The Hindi version of the site shall offer not only translations but adaptations as well. It is the first time that information on sensitive issues would be available in Hindi,” Vithika Yadav, web editor of the site, said.

According to Ernsting, the site is different because it's neither pornographic nor bland like a medical portal. “We want to spread the message of safe sex but also want to encourage people to enjoy sex,” she said.

RDW has been in India for the last five years and has partnered with the All India Radio, Gyaan Vani radio channels promoted by the Indira Gandhi National Open University (IGNOU) and several local FM channels.

Don’t guys like a bro code or whatever?

2011-11-28T02:20:00.001-08:00

Don’t guys like a bro code or whatever?

I think girls know how to respect boundaries more than guys do. A girl will never openly hit on a guy if he’s with someone. Nothing stops a guy from coming on a girl he fancies. Yesterday, I was at this nightclub with Ralph. We wanted to just be by ourselves. Drink a little, burn the floor and then do a quiet dinner. But it turned out to be an evening out with people we know. There were so many familiar faces around that it felt like we were at some social gathering. Some of them, who are friends, I was happy to see but the rest was just a sea of people that you’ve worked together at some point or met through a friend, or been introduced to at a party. I don’t even know some of these people by their names, but we’ve been at the same parties so you smile and make polite conversation. Or at least try to do so over the loud boom boom boom. About an hour ago, Ralph introduced me to this fella from Delhi. He talked to us for a bit and then I excused myself to go to the ladies’ room. When I emerged, I bumped into him in the lounge area. “Leaving already?” I asked him. He pointed to the men’s room and said, “No, going in there. You want to help me?” For a moment, I was stumped, and then came back with, “Sure, are you carrying the spare adult diaper that you need help with?” He mumbled something under his breath and dashed towards the men’s room. Don’t guys like a bro code or whatever, where girlfriends of guys they know are off-limits? Another time, a few years ago, an old friend of mine, was dropping me home after a movie. His chauffeur was driving and we were in the backseat, laughing about some silly scene in the movie when he casually asked me, “Can I kiss you?” It was a really awkward moment and all I could do to save it was pretend it was a joke and say, “No, if you really wanted to, you should’ve tried it in the dark theatre, not in front of your driver.” The point that I am trying to make is, a guy will try his luck, no matter what. Doesn’t matter if you are a friend dating his friend, a colleague or a neighbour.
One time, this model I’d worked with, felt me up in front of my boyfriend. I was wearing a backless top and he ran his hand all over my back on the pretext of hugging me. My guy was standing next to me, but it was hidden from his view. When he stepped away, grinning like a jerk, I told him, “I get it, no girl will sleep with you, so get your jollies by pawing every girl who crosses your path.” My knight in shining armour realised what had happened and wanted to punch him in the face, but I dragged him home. I wanted to have a shower and get the creepoid off me. But you just can’t win, they are everywhere. But, hey, so are the nice guys.

Are you a victim of body shaming?

2011-11-28T02:17:00.001-08:00

Are you a victim of body shaming?

Recently an online dating service was in the news for using the photo of a scantily clad obese model to promote its site. The website was in the news for helping to arrange online affairs for married people from USA, UK, Canada and Ireland. The promotional material encouraged men to cheat on their overweight wives and was slammed by the model for body shaming and promoting infidelity. We look at how being picked on for the way you look, can really weigh down your relationship and your self esteem.
THE FAT QUOTIENT Sunita Tiwari, a housewife, shares her experiences on how being overweight made her feel inferior. This also affected her relationship with her husband. She says, “After marriage, I put on a few extra kilos and before I knew it, I had all these extra pounds weighing me down. My husband who adored me before marriage, started avoiding me. I felt like I was losing him and looking at myself in the mirror made me more depressed. Looking back, I realise that it’s important to work on yourself and not take things for granted.”
Body shaming is not only limited to those who are overweight; it also extends to people who are underweight. Rachita Shah, who works in the glamour industry, adds, “I have been blessed with a good face, but have had to work hard to maintain the way I look. My job demands that I watch my weight. My boyfriend often remarks about me not having enough body mass and how weight gain would make me more feminine. I feel really stressed out and I am very conscious about my body image.”
ADULTERY IS NOT THE SOLUTION So, what do you do when the person you fell in love changes drastically over the years? Should you use that as an excuse to cheat on them? “Definitely not,” says clinical psychologist and psychotherapist Dr Kurien S Thomas. “In a relationship, when one person loses self confidence due to body shaming, it is the duty of the other partner to first instill confidence and make their partner comfortable,” says Kurien adding, “Empathise with your partner with your words and actions. Avoid criticising or comparing them to someone else. Seek professional help if required.”

Does your lover have the care hormones?

2011-11-28T02:16:00.000-08:00

Does your lover have the care hormones?

If you think your partner is not the caring type, then he probably lacks the ‘cuddle gene’

    To determine if your man has the ‘cuddle gene’, just pour out your problems to him – but don’t worry about what advice he gives. Instead, observe very vigilantly on how he looks when he’s listening to you.
    Researchers have asserted that the men who nod, smile and appear sympathetic when hearing about someone else’s worries are more likely to have the ‘cuddle gene’ that makes them kind and considerate partners, a UK daily reported.
    Scientists from the US and Canada recorded 23 volunteers listening as their partner described a moment of suffering. This video was then shown, without sound, to strangers for not more than 20 seconds, after which they were asked to rate how kind, caring and trustworthy the listener seemed.
    Those men and women who were rated the most warm-hearted by more than 100 people tended to have a gene linked with high levels of oxytocin, the so-called ‘caring hormone’ which is known to be linked with sensitivity towards others.
    Genetic tests of all the couples were taken before recording their videos to verify which type of oxytocin receptor gene they possessed – either the G version which is linked with caring behaviour or the A version which is associated with selfishness and poor social skills. They could also have AG, a combination of the two.
    Out of the 10 people rated by strangers as the least caring and trusted, nine had just the A version while out of those who were rated as the most caring – six out of 10 had just the G version.

Secret of happy retirement: Lots of sex

2011-11-23T23:52:00.000-08:00

Secret of happy retirement: Lots of sex

What’s the secret to a contented retirement? One answer, according to a new study, is regular sex. The more often married couples over-65 have sex the more likely they are to be happy with their lives, researchers found.
    The survey of 238 men and women, presented on Monday at the Gerontological Society of America, found 60% of those who had regular sex said they were very happy compared with 40% for whom it was a distant memory.
    When it came to their marriages, 80% of those who had regular sex said they were very happy compared with 59% of those who did not.
    Adrienne Jackson, from Florida University, said the findings should “spark interest” in helping older people deal with “resolvable issues” which prevent them having sex.
    Previous research has shown the main factor that limits sexual activity is a man’s health, and not a woman’s.
    Many illnesses, such as diabetes and prostate cancer, affect a man’s capacity to have and maintain an erection.
    But therapists have warned about the danger of raising expectations making people feel there is something wrong if they are not having sex. There isn’t anything wrong. THE INDEPENDENT

Is it easy to accept one’s partner doing intimate scenes onscreen?

2011-11-20T01:35:00.000-08:00

Is it easy to accept one’s partner doing intimate scenes onscreen?

    SAIF Ali Khan’s comment on Preity Zinta’s chat show that there are times when he feels like killing Kareena’s co-actors when he sees them touching her onscreen has ignited a debate about whether it’s humanly possible for actors to be completely detached with their partner’s onscreen intimacy. Not so long ago, there were reports of Randeep Hooda and Neetu Chandra’s wedding apparently getting postponed when lip-lock scenes of Hooda with Mahie Gill from Sahib Biwi Aur Gangster came to the fore. Few summers back, there were reports of the Hrithik-Ash Dhoom: 2 lip-lock scenes not going down too well with the Bachchans. Despite all talks about actors being inhibition-free, is it that easy to accept one’s partner doing intimate scenes onscreen?
    Actor Priyanka Bose, who did a full frontal nude scene in Italo Spinille’s Gangor, says she has never faced any discomfort at home. “My husband, Paresh Kamath (from band Kailasa), and I have a very cool understanding. It would be foolish if he were to think that this scene has ensured that every viewer has got a piece of his wife.”
    R i i , w h o h a s s h o t oral sex scenes in Gandu says, “My partner is above all such insecurities. So, his reactions to those scenes as a director is always “Nice and cut!”
    However, there are actors who admit that jealousy and the feeling of having to give up ownership about a very private experience can take its toll. Actor Rituparna Sengupta says, “Despite explaining that it’s just a mechanical
process, my husband, Sanjay, would initially ask whether an intimate shot was very necessary. I invited him over to the sets when I shot those scenes, but he never came over. I admit that there have been fights over this issue too. However, time and friendship with my co-stars have made a huge difference.”
Actor Tannishtha Chatterjee says it all depends on the mentality of the individual concerned. “While I’ve dated men who have been cool with me shooting intimate scenes, I’ve also heard of a star son saying that he can’t sit through movies showing his mother romancing another man onscreen,” she says.
    Many spouses of actors have discussed this dilemma online by sharing anonymous posts. Sample this post: “My wife recently took a lead role in a play that requires her to be naked (full frontal nudity) on stage for about five-seven minutes with another man who is also fully naked... Hundreds of people are going to see my wife naked...”
So how does one handle bruised egos? Says Sengupta, “When there is a showdown, it’s better to wait for a while before things cool down a bit and explain things in a dignified fashion.” Clinical psychologist Seema Hingorrany says, “I advise my patients to never ignore their spouses.”
While every star’s home might not be playing out scenes from “Yvan Attal’s French romantic comedy titled My Wife is an Actress, prudence lies in keeping the doors of communication open.

Small lies are not as innocuous as they may seem;

2011-11-20T01:31:00.000-08:00

Small lies are not as innocuous as they may seem; they have the huge potential to undermine your credibility and relationships

“Hey come on, I didn’t really lie! Just a small holding back of facts about such an innocuous matter. I just wanted to avoid a discussion…that’s hardly a lie!”
Sounds familiar? And yet you feel betrayed, hurt and upset…
“Are you crazy? I am NOT having an affair…we just exchanged a few flirtatious messages…how can that be wrong!”
And yet you feel wronged against, betrayed and hurt…
    FOR it is these little lies and betrayals that make a big difference to one’s credibility and to the quality of a relationship, whether personal or professional. The bigger lies that have the potential of blowing up in the face could remain unknown and hidden forever, thus not really causing any harm. The smaller lies that you unthinkingly and carelessly blurt out, not just get caught all the time, but also lay the foundation of how dependable or trustworthy a person or relationship is!
    It was Adolf Hitler who coined the expression “Big Lie”, distinguishing it from the small lies. He used the Big Lie as a propaganda technique. As he said in Mein Kampf, “… in the big lie there is always a certain force of credibility; because the broad masses of a nation are always more easily corrupted in the deeper strata of their emotional nature than consciously or voluntarily; and thus in the primitive simplicity of their minds they more readily fall victims to the big lie than the small lie, since they themselves often tell small lies in little matters but would be ashamed to resort to large-scale falsehoods…”
    This is the principle adopted today by marketing agencies and propaganda machines when they furnish us with Big Lies on a regular basis with the help of mass media. However, the big lie is not something most of us would be familiar with in our daily lives. Sure, all of us would have indulged in some falsehood or the other sometime in life, but these are the small, everyday lies that either help us through a situation, or may have become a chronic habit!
    Some people tell a small lie to avoid confrontation; others do so to avoid hurting someone, or so as not to rock the boat in a relationship. Some may lie to live up to fantasies they have about themselves, such as the size of their bungalow, the make of their car or the wealth they own. Still other chronic liars may have entrapped themselves so much into small lies that their entire life may have become a Big Lie that they have to willynilly live up to now! One wonders how these people feel about themselves. For instance, we have cases of people who have wrongly claimed to be POWs of World War II and spent a lifetime claiming compensation for the same and being finally caught out! Surely what must have started off as a small lie one day for such a person, and took over his entire life slowly, must have throttled him in private? Surely somewhere his conscience would have felt some relief when he was caught and finally could stop lying? A lie is a lie; there are no big or small ones. Similarly, a betrayal is a betrayal; it doesn’t have varying degrees of acceptability! Likewise, a theft doesn’t gain any more acceptability if the amount stolen is less. The point is that if you have been able to convince yourself to indulge in what you consider a smaller evil, the bigger one follows in good time. Lying, stealing, cheating is first an act of betrayal to you yourself, then to anyone else. You are the one who draws the lines and defines the limits for yourself and for your relationship. Certainly how true you are to yourself and to your loved one decides the quality and strength of your relationship. At a workshop conducted by Shobhaa De, when she asked a group of women to answer the question, ‘Who am I?’ to the amazement of all one woman stood up and proclaimed, “I am a thief, a cheat and a liar!” Shobhaa goes on to quote the woman, “I cheat on my husband by feigning interest in his conversation at the end of a long day, when all I want to do is put my feet up and relax. I lie to my bosses and pretend to be sick when I want to spend time with my baby daughter. And I call myself a thief for stealing time which does not belong to me to pursue my personal interests during work hours.” The woman is a rare example of transparent honesty, such as most of us would hesitate to admit even to our own selves! But it is true, isn’t it? At some level, we are all dishonest. Now call this a small dishonesty, or a big one — it is all about how you want to make yourself feel! We all have ways of making ourselves feel good. So, yes of course, these are all small lies.
    But, are they really? Why then do you need to tell yourself yet another lie in order to feel better?

Sunny Leone says that being a porn star isn’t one big party

2011-11-20T01:14:00.000-08:00

‘Bigg Boss’ entrant and adult movie star Sunny Leone says that being a porn star isn’t one big party

Adult movie star Sunny Leone, the newest and perhaps, um, ‘sexiest’ entrant to the “Bigg Boss” house, says that ‘porn star’ doesn’t automatically mean ‘prostitute’. The curvy babe, originally Karen Malhotra, born to Indian parents, took the US adult entertainment industry by storm, but never planned to become a porn star. But the money was just too good, she says.
    “My parents, who are originally from Punjab, were completely shocked when they found out I was in the adult entertainment industry. Their reaction was what I expected, and I was prepared for it. When my father realized what I did, he said, ‘You didn’t even ask us before you did this! But whatever you do, make sure you do it well.’ My mother was also stunned when she found about my lesbian lovemaking videos, but she accepted it. And the fact that my work didn’t change me as a person worked in my favour. My parents soon realized it and respected me for who I am and my decisions. So there was never any question of being disowned by my family,” she says. Have her parents seen any of her hardcore adult videos? “Of course not! Whose parents would do that?” she asks.
    Sunny says it’s ignorance that makes people equate adult stars with prostitutes. “I think India doesn’t have an adult entertainment industry – that’s why people have no idea what it is. I ran a company that took care of the deals I sealed with firms to sell and share my content online and to other media. Running a company was hard work. I’d work for about 60-70 hours a week. It wasn’t a party. I have only one partner. So that way, I’m very restrained in the real world,” she says.
    Isn’t it true that she lost her virginity when she was 16? “Yes. The guy played basketball in high school. He was as old as me. We just liked each other. Losing my virginity at 16 was just about making a choice that I wanted to make at that age. Since my parents have lived away from India for many years, their thought process is different. They’ve always let me take my own decisions. I don’t regret anything that I’ve done so far. I have no regrets about who I am. I have a nice life, great family, great friends and make a good living,” she says.
    Sunny says participating in “Bigg Boss” will make people realize she isn’t the cliched ‘adult star’. “I grew up in a regular Indian household; I’ve been taught to be a good person. I want Indian people to know that. And I’ve always been interested in Bollywood, so with this show, I might get good roles in Hindi films,” she says.
    Now that she’s in India, will she also visit relatives in Delhi? “I last came to Delhi this year in February. I’d like to come back soon. But I wasn’t born here, like it says online – I was born in Canada,” she says.

Caring gene in ‘sweet’ men?

2011-11-19T03:59:00.001-08:00

Caring gene in ‘sweet’ men?

If you think your partner is not the caring type, then he probably must be lacking the ‘cuddle gene’.
To determine if your man has the ‘cuddle gene’, just pour out your problems to him – but don’t worry about what advice he gives. Instead, observe vigilantly how he looks when he’s listening to you.
Researchers have asserted that the men who nod, smile and appear sympathetic when hearing about someone else’s worries are more likely to have the ‘cuddle gene’ that makes them kind and considerate partners, a newspaper reported.
Scientists from the US and Canada recorded 23 volunteers listening as their partner described a moment of suffering. This video was then shown, without sound, to total strangers for not more than 20 seconds, after which they were asked to rate how kind, caring and trustworthy the listener seemed.
Those men and women who were rated the most warm-hearted by more than 100 people tended to have a gene linked with high levels of oxytocin, the so-called ‘caring hormone’, which is known to be linked with sensitivity and consideration for others.
“Our findings suggest that even a slight genetic variation may have a tangible impact on people’s behaviour, and these behavioural differences are quickly noticed by others,” said lead author Aleksandr Kogan, University of Toronto. Genetic tests of all the couples were taken before recording their videos to verify which type of oxytocin receptor gene they possessed – either the G version which is linked with caring behaviour, or the A version which is associated with selfishness and poor social skills. They could also have AG, a combination of the two. Out of the 10 people rated by strangers as the least caring and trusted, nine had just the A version while out of those who were rated as the most caring, six of 10 had just the G version.
The link between being rated as caring and having the G version of the gene was most specific in men. The study has been published in the journal “Proceedings Of The National Academy Of Sciences”. ANI
THE ‘CARING’ GENE
• Men and women rated the most
warm-hearted tend to have a gene linked with high levels of oxytocin, the the socalled ‘caring hormone’

• The link between being rated as caring and having the G version of the gene was most specific in men

Women’s hearts break more easily

2011-11-19T03:48:00.000-08:00

Women’s hearts break more easily

.     Females are seven to nine times more likely to suffer “broken heart syndrome,” when sudden or prolonged stress like an emotional breakup or death causes overwhelming heart failure or heart attack-like symptoms, the first nationwide study of this finds.
    Usually patients recover with no lasting damage.
    The classic case is “a woman who has just lost her husband,” said Dr Mariell Jessup, a University of Pennsylvania heart failure specialist who has treated many such cases.
    Cyndy Bizon feared that was happening when her husband, Joel, suffered a massive heart attack in 2005. “May God work through your hands,” the Maine woman told the surgeon as her husband was wheeled past her into the operating room. She later collapsed at a nurse’s station from “broken heart syndrome” and wound up in coronary care with him. Both husband and wife survived.
    Japanese doctors first recognized this syndrome around 1990 and named it Takotsubo cardiomyopathy; tako tsubo are octopus traps that resemble the unusual pot-like shape of the stricken heart. It happens when a big shock, even a good one like winning the lottery, triggers a rush of adrenaline and other stress hormones that cause the heart’s main pumping chamber to balloon suddenly and not work right.

‘Sex addict’ Gaddafi slept with 4-5 women daily: Aide

2011-11-15T01:08:00.000-08:00

‘Sex addict’ Gaddafi slept with 4-5 women daily:

Former Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi was a sex addict who had a penchant for young women — many of whom were his bodyguards, his close aide has revealed.
    “There were four or sometimes five women each day. They had just become a habit to Gaddafi. They would go into his bedroom, he would have his way with them and then he would come out like he had just blown his nose. “They all had sex with Gaddafi. The more canny of them became wealthy from his gifts of villas or large sums of cash,” Faisal, Gaddafi’s chef of seven years, told ‘The Sunday Times’ newspaper.
    Faisal claimed that some of the women his former master bedded suffered so badly that “they went immediately from his bedroom to the hospital” to be treated for internal injuries. In fact, Gaddafi, who once bedded at least four women just hours before meeting Britain’s Prince Andrew for talks, was so addicted to anti-impotence that his Ukrainian nurse urged to him to cut the number of drugs he took every day, the chef said.
    He even picked up victims at his former alma mater, Tripoli University, where he led the young women to a nearby room whose only furniture was a double bed, he said. Faisal claimed that an aide was once sent to a sex district of Paris, to buy a machine that Gaddafi used to apparently lengthen his penis.

Conflict is an inevitable and positive force in any relationship,

2011-11-13T23:59:00.000-08:00

Conflict is an inevitable and positive force in any relationship, provided you fight fair!

    DO you sometimes find yourself planning out a fight or an argument? As in, actually enjoying playing it out in your mind? Or, even starting off one? Watching my cousin dial a number, an anticipatory gleam in her eyes, I asked what she was planning. The smile turned to a grin as she put down the phone and turned to me. “I am looking forward to pulling up my friend the moment she cuts in on my conversation and starts talking of her own problems.”
“But how do you know she will do so and even if she does, why should you get upset,” I asked.
“Because every time I call her to share a problem, she simultaneously starts talking of her own problems without sympathising with me,” exclaimed my cousin indignantly. “So today I have decided the moment she does this, I will give her a piece of my mind…” She picked up the phone again, the intense look back!
    Strange, I thought. My cousin
was not just spoiling for a fight, but actually creating the circumstances for it! She seemed to be looking forward to a fracas. Well, it is certainly one way to alleviate boredom and get the juices flowing! Sometimes it does help to let off steam a bit so that we don’t stew in boredom and the sameness of every day.
    Even amongst couples it is good to once in a while stir up the waters and allow a churning and unsettling in the day-to-day inertia, thus allowing a flow of fresh energy. Studies reveal that a good fight with your partner is not just healthy for the relationship, but for you as well.
    Anger is an intense and honest emotion; it burns and cleanses. However, in order to help strengthen bonds, the anger has to be released rather than bottled up. And the fight must be a fair one between equals. The worst thing one can do to a relationship is to make it a constant bickering process, where each assigns oneself the task of improving the other. One starts looking for opportunities, even tries deliberately tripping the other person in order to create a situation where he/ she can lecture the friend/spouse, or say I-told-you-so!
    Though a fair fight once in a while is good, what is critical is how you deal with the situation when conflict arises. Not dealing with conflict can be as harmful to you and the relationship as dealing with it in an unfair outburst.
    Conflict then is essential in any relationship; in fact any good relationship is built on dealing with that conflict by laying down rules and setting boundaries. It is only once those limits are established and accepted that a relationship can grow as comfortable and easy as an old shoe! It helps to get conflict out of the system — a good old fight and saying it like it deserves to be said is important sometimes. When the time is right, you do need to step up to that colleague and tell him where to get off. You do sometimes need to take a stand and let a spouse know how you really feel and what you would like him/her to do to make you feel better about yourself and the relationship. It helps if you ensure that the fight doesn’t seem like it is you vs. your
spouse or friend. It should be an argument that helps preserve the relationship, not destroy one of you at the cost of the other! Be fair and try to take part of the blame on yourself; that makes it easier for the other person to accept his part in the blame as well. Threats and namecalling are a no-no, whereas expressing your feelings is the way to go!
It is important to know when to call a halt. If you feel the argument is deteriorating into a blame game, rather than taking a positive direction reschedule the discussion when tempers are down and both of you have had the opportunity to rethink the situation. Often it helps to just state the issue and give each other time to absorb it before coming to the table for discussion. If you are really, really angry, it may help to let off steam in some other way before confronting each other. Suppressing anger increases risk of high blood pressure and heart problems. When you put a cap on the emotion, it also helps build up resentment and so puts a strain on the relationship. A study of 192 US couples over a period of 17 years by author Ernest Harburg of the University of Michigan proved the importance of a good fight for a person’s health. It proved that couples who suppressed their anger have a mortality rate twice as high as those in which at least one partner stands up for himself or herself. So, conflict and anger, far from being the dark side of a relationship, help set the basis for it by enabling us to find our comfort zones with each other.

‘I wouldn’t ever pay for sex’

2011-11-13T23:54:00.000-08:00

‘I wouldn’t ever pay for sex’

So I am in Dubai right now. I came three days ago for a show. It wasn’t for a wellknown designer, but I just welcomed the chance to get away. The day after the show, I decided to get a massage at the hotel spa. And I came back feeling a little violated. Which brings me to the question: what is normal when it comes to a massage? Not a happy ending, for sure. I won’t pay for sex in disguise. If I want a happy ending, I’d pay for a gigolo not a masseur. I mean, why not get a professional? You wouldn’t call a plumber to fix your electricity, would you? Anyway, I wouldn’t ever pay for sex. No man will be in my bed for any reason other than me. Not for my money. But I did pay for sex once, not for me, but for a gay friend. He was crushing on this guy for months. I got to know he was an ‘escort’, so I arranged a ‘date’ for them. No, they didn’t live happily ever after, but they did have a ‘happy ending’. Which brings us back to my masseuse, she went after my butt with gusto and although so far that was a ‘no no’ area for me. I must admit she found muscles there that I didn’t know existed, and it felt good. Yes, but I did ask her to stay on my shoulders when her hand slid down and began to massage my twins. Only my man and my OBGyn get to touch my boobs. I asked a few of my friends later if there is any such thing as massage etiquette. What is ok and what isn’t? Someone should write a rule book. Because the next time, I am on that massage bed with some oriental girl working through my aching muscles, I want to be able to relax and enjoy it, instead of worrying if she is getting more pleasure than I am! I am what you may call a ‘touch me, rub me’ junkie and fall into an instant relaxation as soon as someone lays hands on me. But now after my last experience, I am looking for some answers. I have always kept my underwear on before sliding under the sheets at a spa. And most massage therapists have respected that as a sign not to touch my behind. But the last one just pushed aside my delicates into my butt cheek and went to work! I chatted with another client the next day while waiting for my second appointment (did I mention I am a spa-slut?) and I learnt quite a few things. She said, “Unless told upfront, the only areas off limits are the private ones, the rest is up for grabs. Well up for massage. That means the entire back, shoulders, sides of torso, bum, legs, arms, feet, chest, fingers, neck, face, ears and even scalp!”
She mentioned bum and that’s supposed to be considered the “private zone”. But it’s not taboo. And I learnt another important lesson. That conversation with your therapist before you begin a massage will help you relax better. Mention your aches, pains, or allergies that you may have. And if there is a specific part of the body that you do not want touched, as well as the pressure (hard or soft) that you like. Just get it all out in the open, so the air is clear. Then lie back and be pleasured, just like I did. Tomorrow, I return home and have tougher questions to face.

When talking to a girl, these are some of the more important signs to watch for:

2011-11-07T00:55:00.000-08:00

When talking to a girl, these are some of the more important signs to watch for:
• Can you keep conversation going with her?
• Does she react well to kino?
• Does she touch you?
• Does she laugh?
Now I don't have to explain what the answer "yes" to these questions means, do I:)
From "Sweep women off their feet...": "All these signs usually tell you that the girl is captivated by your
charms. But before you get there, chances are that her body language changes as the discussion
progresses. Make sure that you watch her closely and as soon as you get a sign that should be an
indication that you are on the right track, keep going in that direction. If the opposite happens, just
change the subject and see what happens."
The really gorgeous and beautiful girls however very seldom get around to displaying the signs of
interest described above. They simply don't have to, as they are used to getting some attention already
long before that. With such girls you have to be on a lookout for the initial and thus much more subtle
signs of interest. One example of this would be a gorgeous girl simply looking at your face. Obviously
people tend to look at what or whom they like to look at. But whereas an average girl first just looks at
your face and then progresses into the more overt signs of interest described above, looking at your face
from time to time might be the only sign of interest you'll ever get from the most beautiful of girls.
So if you think you're not getting any signs of interest from beautiful girls - you are, but you just can't
see them well enough yet.
Don Steele: "Here are signs of interest sent from across the room. Most are applicable to both sexes. The
sequence of the list approximates the courtship sequence.
I'M INTERESTED DON'T BOTHER ME
Sidelong glance(s)
Looks at you a few times
Holds your gaze briefly
Downcast eyes, then away
Posture changes to alert
Preens, adjusts hair, attire
Turns body toward you
Tilts head
Narrows eyes slightly
Smiles
Matches your posture
Eyes sparkle
Licks her lips
Thrusts breasts

DON'T BOTHER ME
Never sneaks a peek
Fleeting eye contact
Looks away quickly
Looks away, eyes level
Posture unchanged
Does no preening
Turns body away
Head remains vertical
Eyes remain normal
Neutral, polite face
Posture unchanged
Normal or dull eyes
Keeps mouth closed
Sags to de-emphasize breasts
In Summary. Frequency of eye contact, the more the better. Amount of time she, or he, holds your
gaze, the longer the better. How she breaks off eye contact, down before away is great! Shine of the
eyes, the brighter the better. Direction of body, toward you, good, away, bad. Overall posture, erect
and alert are good. Tilt of head, vertical is bad, increased tilt is great. Where the drink is held, high in
front as a barrier, that's bad. Hand activity, clenched, squeezing or pinching is bad, open, caressing or
stroking is great.

Doesn't matter whether she is interested in you

2011-11-07T00:47:00.000-08:00

Doesn't matter whether she is interested in you, you'll make her interested eventually anyway:) But look
for these signs to show you whether you're already making progress:)

Her lips:
• Big smiles with upper and lower teeth showing with a relaxed face.
• Biting of the lips or showing of the tongue, licking her lips or touching of her front teeth.
• She wets her lips, some women use only a single-lip lick, wetting the upper or lower lip, while
others run the tongue around the entire lip area.
• She puts her fingernail between her teeth.
• She protrudes her lips and thrust her breasts forward.

Her eyes:
• She gazes in your eyes with deep interest and her pupils are dilated.
• She raises both eyebrows exaggeratedly for a couple of seconds, this is often combined with a
smile and some eye contact.
• She winks at you while talking to you or winks at you from a distance.
• While talking to you, she blinks more than usual, fluttering her eyelashes.
• Eyebrows raised and then lowered, then a smile indicates interest in you.

Her hair:
• She pushes her fingers through her hair. This can be one hand movement or more of a stroking
motion.
• She twirls her hair around her fingers while she is looking at you.
• She is throwing her hair back off her shoulders.

Her clothing:
• If she is wearing clothes that show her nipples underneath and you notice they are getting perky
and erect.
• The hem goes up to expose a little more leg.
• She is fixing, patting or smoothing her outfit to make herself look better.
While she is seated:
• She moves in time to the music, with her eyes on you.
• She starts sitting straight up and her muscles appear to be firm.
• She is sitting with her legs open.
• She sits with her legs crossed in a manner to reveal her thigh.
• Her legs are rubbing against each other.
• Her legs are rubbing against the leg of the table.
• Her crossed leg is pointed towards you or if that same leg is rocking back and forth towards you.

Her hands:
• She exposes the palms of her hand facing you.
• While talking to you, she rests an elbow in the palm of one hand, while holding out her other
hand, palm up.
• She rubs her wrists up and down.
• She sits with one hand touching one of her breasts.
• She rubs her chin or touches her cheek. This indicates that she's thinking about you and her
relating in some way:)
• She is fondling keys, sliding hands up and down a glass, playing with toys or other things on the
table.
• She plays with her jewellery, especially with stroking and pulling motions.
• She touches your arm, shoulder, thigh, or hand while talking to you (in case you already haven't
started kino yourself, dumbass:).
• She is pretending to look at her watch as you pass her.

Her voice
• She raises or lowers the volume of her voice to match yours.
• She speeds up or slows down her speaking to match yours.
• She laughs in unison with you.
• In a crowd she speaks only to you and focuses all of her undivided attention on you.

Micellaneous:
• She mirrors your body language and body positions.
• Her skin tone becomes red while being around you.
• She blows smoke straight out from between her lips and toward you.
• She leans over and speaks into her friend's ear, just like in junior high school.
• She is standing with her head cocked slightly at an angle, one foot behind the other, hips slightly
thrust forward.
• At a party - every once in a while she seems to appear out of nowhere in your vicinity and if you
move to another spot, soon she appears out of nowhere again, you catch her glancing in your
general direction (actually, glancing at YOU dummy!:), she bumps into you… accidentally,
touches you… accidentally etc:)

Get close to your partner with your dance moves

2011-10-29T04:34:00.000-07:00

Get close to your partner with your dance moves

Dancing can bring you closer as a couple. Read on to know the reasons why you ought to sign up for a dance class together to improve your love life...

Dating advice dictates that you mirror your partner’s moves to get them to notice you. However, you would be surprised to know that the same rule also applies to rekindling romance on the dancefloor. If you and your partner feel that the spark that existed between you both has died out, don’t despair. Try and rekindle that flame with some passionate dancing, which can go a long way in improving your relationship. Listed below are reasons why you should sign up with your dance partner.
BOND OVER THE DANCE FLOOR Most couples get into a routine once they have tied the knot: dinner on the couch in front of the TV set, with little or no communication, is a common sight. So the key to rekindling romance is to break the cycle of boredom and do something new and different. Dancing can give you the opportunity to spend quality time with each other and the proximity on the dancefloor can help in bringing you closer.
GETTING CLOSE TO EACH OTHER Dancing is one of the most intimate and romantic things you and your partner can do together. As your bodies sway to the beats, you are bound to feel a physical and emotional connect that can help reignite that dying spark.
HAVE FUN A couple that laughs together, stays together. Signing up for a dance class with your partner can be a lot of fun, especially if both of you are open to trying something new and are not afraid of not getting it right at the first go. Stamping each other’s feet and elbowing each other while trying to master a complicated move may sound painful, but if you use your sense of humour to laugh at your mistakes instead of being critical, it will only strengthen the bond the two of you share.
A TEST IN PATIENCE Taking a dance class together will teach you a lot about patience. Couple dancing can be tough if there is no co-ordination, communication, patience and understanding between partners. Hence, a dance class can help you understand each other’s weaknesses, accept them for what they are and help you move ahead together so that you can own the dancefloor together.

40% clients at S Delhi liquor shops women

2011-10-29T04:21:00.001-07:00

40% clients at S Delhi liquor shops women

New Delhi: Delhi seems to have quietly taken another step towards being a truly cosmopolitan city. The staff of three premium liquor vends in south Delhi reported that roughly every third customer coming to the stores during the pre-Diwali rush week was a woman.
    Visiting a liquor store has traditionally been considered taboo for women, also because many of the vends are in dingy surroundings and are crowded by men clamouring for bottles.
    “Women were almost 40% of our customers during the week preceding Diwali, which was unprecedented,” said C Arvind, general manager at Delhi State Industrial and Infrastructure Development Corporation, which has a 22% market share of liquor sales in the city. The women mostly bought wine and vodka.
    Arvind said the trend was noticed at three shops – the ‘High Times’ liquor vends located at DLF Promenade in Vasant Kunj, DLF Saket and Masjid Moth. DSIIDC said more women can be seen at High Times as the ambience and location of these vends give women a sense of safety. “In a month’s time we will also install CCTV cameras for security reasons,” Arvind added.
    Meanwhile, the excise department said the government got richer by almost Rs 85 crore by way of duty collections on liquor sales in the week preceding Diwali. In the pre-Diwali week last year, the revenue collection was about Rs 55 crore. DSIIDC alone recorded sales of Rs 21 crore during the week, a 25.2% rise over last year’s turnover in the corresponding period, which was Rs16.8 crore.
    The three outlets of High Times in south Delhi sold liquor worth Rs 22 lakh on Diwali eve. DSIIDC’s overall Diwali-eve sales were Rs 5.3 crore, as compared to Rs 4.6 crore last year. The corporation has a 22% market share of liquor in Delhi with 109 vends.
    According to market watchers, Johnnie Walker blue label, a premium scotch costing Rs16,700 per bottle got sold out at all liquor vends in the city, forcing customers to procure it from Gurgaon. Some liquor vends bordering UP catered to more than 5,200 customers on Diwali eve.
    DSIIDC’s Shahdara vend registered sale of Rs 13 lakh on Diwali-eve, with vend managers saying eight customers were serviced every minute on average during the day. A large number of clients had come from bordering Ghaziabad.
There are more than 500 authorized liquor vends in the capital. According to senior officials, the high liquor sales this year can mainly be attributed to rising consumption patterns.
A new duty regime was notified on July 1 this year under the excise rules, followed by stricter enforcement by excise intelligence in the market.

Why women talk about break-ups

2011-10-23T01:47:00.000-07:00

Why women talk about break-ups

Men are said to be from Mars and women from Venus. No wonder then that their reactions to a problem at hand are absolutely diverse. Women are known to be born hoarders, while men love to move on to the next shiny, new thing that they lay their eyes on. That is probably the reason why women still believe in giving any relation that ‘one last chance’ as opposed to a man, who knows exactly when to call it quits. And when they do so, they are less likely to be caught staring at the picture of their ex on their cell phone.
SWEEP IT UNDER THE CARPET It’s not that guys are better at handling breakups. They are just definitely more prone to sweeping the issue under the carpet. But could this be because women are more emotional or just because they don’t hide their true feelings? Rajiv Nair, a media professional, feels, “No man will ever admit that he is heartbroken. That will make him seem like a loser. Women on the other hand are alright with expressing their emotions. Men have an image to live up to. And they can’t let people see that something can affect them a lot.”
CAN’T LET GO Women who love keeping things can’t never let go of anything. Ankita Shastri, an HR personnel, says, “Have you ever seen a guy who has collected greeting cards, movie tickets, etc.? Also, men have their ‘stud’ value to consider. Many women probably hope to revive their last relationship till they realise that they have fallen for someone else. While men, on the other hand, shut the doors firmly on their relationship and get ready to knock on another one. They are super-macho beings and have absolutely no problem moving on, or so they would like everyone to believe.”
BONDING WITH BUDDIES Men tend to have strong bonds with their male buddies while women tend to lose out on their girlfriends when they are in a relationship. That is probably why guys get over their relationships and are ready to move on faster than women. “How many married women go out for a girl’s night out? But men continue with their bonding sessions at bowling alleys and over a few drinks even after marriage. Many women centre their lives around a relationship, and when a vacuum is created, they close their mind to anything new coming their way,” points out Priyanka Shanbag.
MOVE ON This is the term which is used to tell a person that the past is now done with and it’s time to look ahead. But like most things, it’s easier said than done.

Did your Mr Right really sail away, or is it just that you are romanticising your past?

2011-10-23T01:45:00.000-07:00

Did your Mr Right really sail away, or is it just that you are romanticising your past?

    In the film “What’s Your Number?”, Ally (Anna Faris), looks to her exloves to see if one of them is the man of her dreams. If you also wonder if a former partner is worth a second look, or if the break-up happened for a reason, take this quiz. Find out whether you have trouble moving on or if you actually did let Mr Right pass you by...
A few years ago you had a thing for that hot gym instructor. You see him again and he’s talking to a female client. You: A. Run away, hopefully before he spots you. How could he still be doing the same thing?
B. Play it cool and act like you’re way over it, even though you still dig him. C. Smack the woman who’s flirting with your man.
You look up a guy on Facebook that you used to love, and find out he’s married with kids. You: A. Log out so you’re not even tempted to get in touch.
B. Send him a flirty message. He’d probably be willing to leave his family for you.
C. Don’t get in touch but torture yourself by looking at his page – and photos of his kids – at least once a day.
A guy you were with was also in love with your friend. A. You’ll always have a feeling he’s still in love with your friend. Get rid of him.
B. Why not. If your friend’s getting married, he’s available!
C. Go for him. You have similar tastes – if he can love her, he can love you too.
When you break up with someone it means: A. It wasn’t meant to be, regardless of who did the breaking up. B. This is temporary. You will have some flings and then get back together C. You want him back A.S.A.P. You don’t realise what you’ve got till it’s gone.
If your relationship wasn’t working. You’d: A. Break up B. Try to communicate better in one attempt to work through it C. Take some time apart and see if distance makes the hearts grow fonder
Someone who tries to make every love interest work is: A. Desperate B. Obsessive C. Optimistic
With a past relationship you never truly got closure. How did you handle it? A. You put him in your phone as “ahole”. In case he ever called it would remind you not to answer. B. You gave yourself closure by accepting that he’s just not the one. C. Years later you still e-mail him asking what happened.
A guy likes you and you’re able to be yourself around him. That means: A. It’s too comfortable. Keep looking. There’s someone better out there. B. This guy is a strong possibility while you keep looking. C. He’s the one. If he likes you, he’s the one. Can’t you hear the wedding bells already? YOURSCORE
    Mostly As SOUR GRAPES? You’re classy,ambitious and looking for romance. For you, past relationships ended because they were supposed to.You’re moving on, now with more satisfaction in yourself. Or is that bitterness? Look within to see if you have shut yourself down or are really open to the new. If you are being open but focused, then you can be confident that The One did not get away and is soon to be in your orbit.
    Mostly Bs THE OVER THINKER You may be nostalgic for someone in the past. Maybe you regret your behaviour or still can’t figure out why they went away and find it hard to move forward. Maybe they were just the last best thing, and there’s no one new to like so you wonder whether you missed the boat. Figure it this way:The One may have gotten away but that was The One for back then, not for who you are now. To meet the man of your dreams, let go and start looking forward.
    Mostly Cs HISTORY BUFF It’s not about becoming who they want you to be, it’s about honouring the person you already are.You seem to have a problem letting go of past relationships, while fully knowing that you are probably idealising them and selectively leaving out the things that didn’t work for you.This is a great time to regroup and be receptive to the new love waiting for you. Also, the next time you remember your former love, try to remember some of the less than perfect things that they did!

I’ll be OD-ing on yoga and not cocaine’

2011-10-17T05:15:00.001-07:00

I’ll be OD-ing on yoga and not cocaine’

So I have kissed Ahmed goodbye — slowly, and several times over the last two days. He is such a good kisser. We had hot sex for two weeks and I almost didn’t let him go. But we’d decided it was going to be two weeks and no more. I don’t find it hard to let go. I am very clear he was my at-the-moment and not my happily-ever-after. It’s easy to compartmentalise, once you know what you want. I did not pose naked for him, and he did sulk for a bit and whined about how I didn’t trust him. But I just went by my gut this time. Now that he has gone, I am bored.
He was really great company. He was a brilliant cook, a great conversationalist, and so well-read. He would recite lovely Urdu couplets to me and explain their meaning. He even introduced me to some Sufi music. I really enjoyed our conversations. He is quite knowledgeable. He’d travelled to some lovely places around the world, and he would talk about the people and the experiences. I was fascinated, even though he made me feel like I had been living in a hole my whole life. Also, I skipped my gym the whole time he was here and did yoga with him every morning. I was hesitant at first, but then I was intrigued, when I saw him do the asanas. It was like poetry in motion.
He is into tantra yoga and after a few sessions with him, I am fascinated enough to enrol in some classes and learn it. Somehow I feel more connected with myself after just 10 sessions. My friend Sam has a y o g a teacher, who comes home to train her. I have told her that I will be joining her for it. Sam has been teasing me about it, but I won’t change my mind. She often says (and rightly so) that if I like something, I get obsessive about it. Mercifully, that doesn’t apply to the men in my life, but I do get obsessive.
When I first bought an exercycle, I used to cycle for three hours a day, till I started getting horrible pain in my knees and the doctor asked me to slow down. When Angry Birds first came out, I gave myself CTS, because of the hours I would spend surfing on the net, on the nights I couldn’t sleep. Yes, so I am as aware of the problem as my bestie, but luckily I will be OD-ing on yoga and not cocaine, so it’s all good. I was so affected by Sam that I took an online test and I scored ‘high’ on the obsessive compulsive meter. The results also threw up some other interesting aspects of my personality. It said that I was mildly narcissistic, and moderately paranoid and schizoid. See, this is why one should never take tests online. I didn’t even know I had the last two conditions. Thankfully, I am sane enough not to take these results seriously. I don’t need an online test to tell me things about myself. I know it all. I am fully aware of all my strengths and weaknesses. And I accept myself with them, and I know that someday I will meet a guy who will accept them too, and not expect me to change. Yes, I may not be the easiest girl in the world to live with, but I am worth it.

How to annoy a guy on your list

2011-10-17T05:13:00.001-07:00

How to annoy a guy on your list

We found out the different types of ‘girly’ behaviour that annoys the guys on your social networking list

SECRET CAMPAIGNS “We guys are very much aware of what those secret campaigns are all about. The most common ones being the colour details of your underwear. I really don’t think this is something appropriate to share with all those people in your list. How can women think we will not get to know. These things are bound to leak out sooner than later”, says Brendon D’cruz, a freelance artist.
GIRLIE BONDING “All those we-really-need-to-catchup’ messages and the exchanging of hearts can get irritating sometimes. How come there is so much love pouring out suddenly? I am sure they can all behave normally rather than emulate air-kissing bimbos!” states Heikam Pinku, a self-confessed social networking addict
DECODE MANIA “There are so many women on my list who post ambiguous status messages that only their best buddies can decipher. And to top it all, that friend will post back an I-know-exactly-what-you-mean kind of comment. I mean if they really want to discuss personal issues why go and broadcast it in public. What are phones for? If it’s a secret, you might as well keep it. There is no need to attract undue attention unless you are really looking for some,” says Anurag Shukla, a commercial pilot.
PICTURE (TOO) PERFECT So there was a party last night, and girl, you looked drop dead gorgeous. “What amuses me the most is why do girls get their pictures clicked in a variety of poses, angles and outfits? And then of course, when they go out on a vacation or something like that. Why be narcissistic?”, asks Romen Singh, a pianist.
ATTENTION SEEKING SYNDROME “What is the most common way to get more posts on your otherwise dull wall? Simple, just write single word posts and voila, there will be around 50 comments and some 20 likes. There is nothing more stupid than a girl posting a sad smiley or a ‘yay’, and her friends jumping up and saying ‘what happened’ or ‘awww’. Don’t girls ever realise that there must be a reason why guys never do this? We do not want to go about splashing our every minute moods,” cites Sameer Joshi, a final year BA student.

Learn to say it with flowers

2011-10-17T05:12:00.001-07:00

Learn to say it with flowers

The next time you decide to gift a bouquet of flowers, pick one that expresses what you really feel, don’t fret, we will tell you how...

Duchess Kate Middleton’s custom wedding bouquet had symbolic significance to the Royal family, and was in keeping with tradition. You may not be royalty, but that should not stop you from emulating the royal family. Go ahead and take the lead from the Victorians who used flowers to express their feelings. Here’s a list of different flowers and what they really mean.

• Carnation implies affection. It’s meant to be given to one’s lover.

• Chamomile means patience and attracts wealth.

• Chrysanthemum means cheerfulness and says that you’re a wonderful friend.

• Daffodil means respect.

• Daisy is associated with innocence and carefree beauty.

• Forget-me-not stands for true love and lasting memories.

• Geranium (scented) implies a degree of preference.

• The hibiscus flower signifies delicate and elegant beauty.

• Honeysuckle is all about generous and devoted affection.

• Hyacinth is associated with games, sports and rashness. You would be surprised to know that this flower is dedicated to Apollo.

• Iris is a flower that signifies faith, hope, wisdom and valour.

• Jasmine is a flower about amiability and it attracts wealth.

• Lily is a flower that helps keep unwanted visitors away.

• Marigold is a flower that comforts the heart and gives solace.

• Orchid is a symbol of love, beaut and refinement. Ideal to gift to a beautiful lady, it is also the Chinese symbol for many children.

• Poinsettias symbolise a degree of good cheer and great success Also known as the Christmas Star, it is said that this winter flower’s association with Christmas comes from a Mexican legend.

• Red roses symbolise love So try gifting a bunch of red roses before you say those three words. However, some girls find them boring. IN A NUTSHELL

• Do not gift red roses to a family member

• Daffodils are the perfect bouquet for your mother, a bunch of daisies are the perfect flowers for your sister. Scented geraniums are ideal for the girl you have a crush on

• Marigolds are the perfect condolence flowers. Gift them to someone who has recently suffered an accident, illness or tragedy

• Chrysanthemums are the perfect flowers for a female friend when there are no romantic feelings involved

• Chamomile, jasmine and poinsettia attract success and wealth

• Barring the traditional (and cliche) red roses, other flowers that communicate love are carnations, honeysuckle, orchids and forget-me-nots

There’s no shame in seeing a sex therapist

2011-10-17T05:05:00.000-07:00

There’s no shame in seeing a sex therapist

Whenever a man suffers from a sexual problem where he can neither enjoy sex himself, nor can he satisfy his partner, he either avoids going to a sex therapist, or is ignorant about the existence of a specialist. If a woman suffers pain during intercourse or finds herself unable to reach an orgasm, she may visit her gynaecologist but would never think of consulting a sex therapist. Here are some situations when one should consult a sex therapist

• Erectile Dysfunction – that is when a man either fails to ‘attain’ or ‘sustain’ erection in spite of appropriate sexual stimulation.

• When a man is unable to penetrate and perform intercourse, or if he ejaculates either too early or too late.

• Whenever he or she has doubts or anxieties about the anatomy and functioning of one’s own or the partner’s sex organs.

• When he or she has disturbing attitudinal issues regarding one’s own or his/her partner’s role in a sexual act. For example, who should take the initiative, what is the correct technique and duration of foreplay, who is supposed to be an active partner, etc.

• When he or she is so obsessively preoccupied with sexual feelings that it is affecting the ability to perform other tasks.

• When a woman is unable to achieve orgasm during sex with a loving partner, in spite of mutual cooperation and active participation.

• When a person is struggling with feelings of guilt or shame regarding sex.

Peer pressure driving young people to sexting,says study

2011-10-09T04:20:00.000-07:00

Peer pressure driving young people to sexting,says study

Its peer pressure thats forcing todays young people to engage in sexting the practice of sending and receiving sexual images on a mobile phone,says a new study.
Researchers at the University of Melbourne have found that both young men and women are experiencing peer pressure to share sexual images via the new phenomenon of sexting.
Lead researcher Shelley Walker said the study not only highlighted the pressure young people experienced to engage in sexting,it also revealed the importance of their voice in understanding and developing responses to prevent and deal with the problem.The phenomenon has become a focus of much media reporting;however research regarding the issue is in its infancy,and the voice of young people is missing from this discussion and debate, she said.The qualitative study involved individual interviews with 33 young people (15 male and 18 female) aged 15 to 20 years.
Preliminary findings revealed young people believed a highly sexualized media culture bombarded young people with sexualized images and created pressure to engage in sexting.
Young people discussed the pressure boys place on each other to have girls photos on their phones and computers.They said if boys refrained from engaging in the activity they were labelled gay or could be ostracised from the peer group.

How to choose the perfect life partner!

2011-10-09T01:59:00.000-07:00

How to choose the perfect life partner!

MOST of us invest far more energy and strategy in choosing things such as a car,a house,or a holiday package than we do in selecting a life partner.Though it is de rigeur to be extra careful about your choice of vegetable,meal,restaurant,shoe or outfit,it is considered indecorous to strategise for the selection of the right spouse! Such a critical decision of life is left to Destiny,or at best,the vagaries of the heart!
Charles Darwin proved more than 150 years ago that animals choice of mating partner isnt random,but a deliberate,well-worked out process that ensures and influences evolutionary patterns.The female of any animal species will not submit to just any male,but will be very selective and attentive to her choice.It is not by chance that even amongst animals,it is the best looking and strongest of the males that get their choice of females.A female looks out for the strongest of the contenders and a male looks for healthy females in order to pass on genes to the next generation.
The process is no different in humans,whatever we may imagine.Women are naturally attracted to healthy,strong men who can be good providers.A successful man,or one who is dynamic and ambitious,and so poised for success,attracts a woman.Men are attracted to women with a waist-hip ratio of about 70 per cent actually an indicator of high fertility in a woman.All men love breasts and cleavage,and find a rounded,protruding behind attractive a symbol of fertility since time immemorial.So,a man is naturally attracted to a woman who can bear him children and will in all likelihood,be a good mother.
So,even without our realising it,there is some sort of sexual strategy naturally ingrained in our DNA! The heart may know no reason,but our instinct certainly does! It is another matter,however,that sometimes we close our mind and heart to the signals that instinct may hand out and make the mistake of imagining things will work out once we start living together.

What to look for!

In order to identify the perfect mate for you,it is important to understand yourself.Before embarking on this critical quest,you need to have a clear idea of the kind of life you wish to lead.Are you looking for someone who can be a counterfoil for your dynamic energy and restlessness,someone who can keep you grounded and build a steady home for you Are you looking for someone who can give you the required impetus,some encouragement and that one push to help you on in life Are you looking at bettering your material circumstances or shoring up your emotional fronts Are you attracted by a life that takes you round the globe or would you rather strike root in one place Once you understand what your triggers are,it is easier to identify people who would make good potential partners for you.How frustrating it would be if you are forced to kill your dreams or are stifled in a relationship that requires you to take paths contrary to your urges! Communication is essential.Common areas of differences and clashes should be discussed with a potential partner and understood before launching onto a life together.Areas such as religion,finances,children,career,living within a joint family or independently are key issues that may lead to clashes.Do not turn a deaf ear to anything negative you may hear about your potential partner at this stage,nor turn a blind eye to any flaw you can see clearly.
Sometimes,a process of elimination is a great way of working backwards towards a choice.The logic you employ for elimination reveals a lot about you and helps arrive at great conclusions about what you really want! Identify values and characteristics that hold the utmost importance for you.Can you live with a partner who is dishonest or has no sense of integrity Can you tolerate living with someone who has no sense of humour Someone to whom a job is just a way of earning a living Someone changeable Someone who is cruel or uncharitable Someone who may be honest but will not stand up for another Cold and calculating Do not be rushed into a choice.This is probably the most critical decision you are likely to make in your life and you cannot be pushed to decide either way.It takes a long time to understand another human being,particularly because during the initial phases of a relationship,one is on ones best behavior.For your part,be as open and honest as you can from the beginning.Do not play down your own needs and requirements,and be clear about where you draw the lines.To me,the most important points to consider in the choice of life partner would be Basic values and core beliefs A match in level of intelligence and emotional needs Ability to arouse respect Level of ambition and style of living Vision and dreams about the future and level of commitment to make the marriage work!

Why does he want a naked picture of me

2011-10-09T01:57:00.000-07:00

Why does he want a naked picture of me

Last week has been fun.I have been having late-late nights,and late-late mornings with my beau.I havent worked for a while,but I am still feeling like I am constantly on call.For a model,posing is work,and my man-of-the-moment is unluckily a photographer,and hes always ready with a camera.No matter what the time of day,what I am wearing or what I am doing,hes been clicking me in every angle.Its flattering,but also a little unsettling,even though he shoots me most deliciously.For the last few days,hes been pestering me to pose bare for him.I am quite comfortable with my body,but I have mixed feelings about shedding my clothes for a camera.He has promised to show me the pictures in advance,and delete them if I am not happy with them.He even swears he will never publish them anywhere,but Ive barely known him for a week,can I trust him I know many girls who have posed for their men and have regretted it.I have been there,myself.Three years ago,I made a sex video with a guy I was dating,and kept the camcorder tape with me.And then I misplaced it.I havent seen it since and I live in fear that it will surface someday,somewhere.Also,in the days when I still thought it was a c o o l thing to do,I would take racy pictures of mine and send them to my ex-boyfriend.Those pictures were stored in my phone and I left my phone behind in a cab.I have visions of random strangers getting off on my pictures,and now I dread taking cabs.You know once bitten twice shy,I have been bitten twice,so I am not gung-ho about posing for my men.I know most guys love to have pictures of their girls on their phones and some even enjoy showing them to their friends,but I have been down that road,and I am not looking forward to a return trip.Ahmed says it will be a memory of the time we spent together.Why does he want a naked picture of me for that Cant he just use his head Is something wrong with his memory I hate being objectified.I mean I would love to send my man sexy pictures of myself,when I feel like it.I just dont like it when he asks for it.When he persists,its not nice.Why dont men like us for who we are Why is it about the body all the time I have never had a guy tell me,Send me a picture of your pretty face. I have never asked a guy to send me a picture of his package.For once,I would like a man to return the favour.

अक्सर पुरुषों की यह आदत होती है

2011-09-29T03:18:00.000-07:00

अक्सर पुरुषों की यह आदत होती है कि वह सेक्स को एक काम समझकर उसे जल्दी-जल्दी खत्म करने की कोशिश करते हैं, जबकि सेक्स के दौरान महिलाओं की इच्छा होती है कि वह फोरप्ले में उनके साथ ज्यादा से ज्यादा वक्त बिताएं।

सेक्स शुरू करने से पहले महिलाओं को किस करना, अंगों का स्पर्श बेहद ही भाता है, लेकिन पुरुष फोरप्ले में ज्यादा रुचि नहीं दिखाते जो कि उनकी सबसे बड़ी गलती होती है। इसलिए जितना हो सके फोरप्ले का आनंद उठाएं और अपने पार्टनर को एक अच्छे सेक्स के लिए तैयार करें।

पुरुषों की आदत होती है कि वह सेक्स के दौरान अपनी पार्टनर के साथ प्यार भरी बातें नहीं करते, जबकि एक अच्छे सेक्स के लिए यह बेहद जरूरी है। इस बारे में मनोचिकित्सक का कहना है कि अगर सेक्स से पहले पुरुष, स्त्री से प्यार भरी बातें नहीं करते है तो स्त्री को यही लगता है कि उसका पार्टनर सिर्फ जिस्म का भूखा है, प्यार का नहीं।

अगर आप एक हेल्दी सेक्सुअल लाइफ की कामना रखते हैं तो जरूरी है कि सेक्स से पहले जितना हो सके पार्टनर से प्यार भरी बातें करें, ताकि बातों के दौरान पता चल सके कि वह सेक्स में नया क्या चाहती है। महिलाओं को अक्सर इस बात से शिकायत होती है कि उनका पार्टनर बिना उनकी इच्छा जाने उनके साथ सेक्स करने लगता है। उन्हें इस बात से कोई फर्क नहीं पड़ता कि उसका मन सेक्स करने के लिए है भी या नहीं, जो कि गलत है। पुरुषों को चाहिए कि सेक्स करने से पहले पार्टनर की इच्छा को जानें और फिर सेक्स की पहल करें।

कई महिलाओं को यह शिकायत होती है कि उनके पति सेक्स के दौरान जबरदस्ती करते हैं, जिसके चलते वह कई बार आहत भी होती है। मनोचिकित्सक का कहना है कि बिस्तर पर अपने पार्टनर से जबरदस्ती करना बहुत गलत होता है, क्योंकि सेक्स को हमेशा प्यार से जोड़ा जाता है। इसलिए सेक्स की शुरुआत प्यार से ही करनी चाहिए। महिला साथी को यह बिल्कुल भी नहीं लगना चाहिए कि आप उनके साथ जबरदस्ती कर रहे हैं।

कई पुरुषों की आदत होती है कि वह रोज अपने पार्टनर के साथ एक ही समय पर एक ही जगह पर सेक्स करना पसंद करते हैं। महिलाएं प्यार के अनुभवों को अलग-अलग जगहों पर अलग-अलग तरीकों से बटोरना पसंद करती है, लेकिन पुरुष इस बात को नहीं समझते। सेक्स का आनंद उठाने के लिए जरूरी है कि अलग-अलग जगहों का चुनाव करें। मतलब बेड, सोफा, फर्श, कालीन इत्यादि।
जब आप अपनी सेक्स लाइफ से इन गलतियों को दूर कर देंगे तो आप अपनी सेक्स लाइफ को और अधिक रोचक और आनंदमय पाएंगे। साथ ही आपके और आपके पार्टनर के बीच प्यार और अधिक गहरा होता जाएगा।

If you must, surf porn. Far more satisfying.

2011-09-27T05:15:00.000-07:00

Don’t go looking for love online’

Have you ever registered on a dating site? Last night, I couldn’t sleep and for the heck of it, I decided to explore the mysterious world of dating websites. What can I say, I have a taste for the ridiculous. I was curious to see what the virtual world has to offer a single girl like me. And if it was better than what the real world has been throwing at me lately. It was a truly enlightening experience. I learnt quite a bit. To begin with, there are sites that offer to find you your soulmate for free and there are some who will charge you a hefty sum for it (which just makes them a pimp in disguise). They claim to find your equal, no matter what your interest, hobby, or need (sounds suspect). The sites allow you to search for a partner, based on age, nationality, language, personality, etc. But you can also find out specific things like whether the guy is a vegetarian, an animal lover, political, sporty, tattooed and pierced, etc. So where is the fun in that? Before I date a guy, if I am going to find out every little detail about him, where is the process of discovery!
Also, the categories available on one such site scared me. They were: 30 and Thrilling, 40 and Fantastic, 50 and Fabulous, Dating & Meeting the Rich & Famous, etc. Good thing I wasn’t signing on. Girls on these websites had names like Pretty-Prana and Cute-Kushboo. I knew going in that this wasn’t for me. And after spending 30 minutes browsing through this murky world, I was quite put off by it. I know there are some lucky girls who do find their match online, but I won’t be on that list. Ever. Maybe, it is just for small town girls, who are sweet, believing and optimistic. Or perhaps for girls who have really low expectations or self-worth. I am not going looking for a man who may be perfect for me. If it’s meant to happen, we will find each other. In the meantime, while Mr Right is still looking for my address (virtual or otherwise), I will look through other options available. Mr Left or Mr Wrong (which I like the sound of). Oh, come now, am I shocking you out of your world of Mills and Boon romances? I recently saw two romantic comedies: No Strings Attached and Love & Other Drugs. You know what I did like about these films? They effectively idealised a relatively new phenomenon in the world of dating and relationships: the f**k buddy. The central premise of both films is essentially the same: Boy and girl agree to embark on a friends-with-benefits-only relationship, but after a few mind-blowing rolls in the hay, they end up happily ever after. So it’s possible that Mr Wrong or someone you didn’t think of as someone worth more than a bonk can be your happily ever after. Hell, Hollywood says so. And you believe everything else they tell you, so why not this? So don’t go looking for love online. If you must, surf porn. Far more satisfying.

Men, kick the butt to light up your sex life

2011-09-19T04:03:00.001-07:00

Men, kick the butt to light up your sex life

Lighting up could be slowing you down in the bedroom. A US study suggests that men who successfully stopped smoking improved on lab measurements of sexual health more than those who relapsed after a quit-smoking program, showing that smoking may be affecting the sexual health of men who consider themselves perfectly all right in bed, researchers said.
“With younger men, the risks of smoking in that population appear more far off. They think, ‘I don’t really need to worry about this until much farther down the road,” said study author Christopher Harte, from the VA Boston Healthcare System.
Harte and co-author Cindy Meston from the University of Texas at Austin enrolled 65 men without self-reported importence in an eight-week quit smoking program using nicotine patches. Before treatment, halfway through and a few weeks after, they brought it he men into a locked lab and showed them a racy film. While they watched, men kept track of how aroused they were and a device measured how much their penis grew or shrank. By the end of the study, there were 20 men that hadn’t lit up in at least a week, while 45 men were still smoking. Quitters saw a greater increase in penile growth, measured by width and not length, compared to non-quitters. By their own scoring, those men reached their peak level of arousal sooner than men who were still lighting up.

Sid and I indulge in flirting sometimes

2011-09-19T03:35:00.000-07:00

‘Sid and I indulge in flirting sometimes’

Time to hit the gym. I haven’t done so in weeks and I am feeling horribly out of shape. I know it is probably just in my head. Sam tells me everyone, except me, thinks I have a great body. At the risk of sounding vain, I admit that I do draw insane amount of attention from men, but it is my body, I have to be hap py in it. If I don’t feel fabulous in it, compliments from others mean little. think I am addicted to the endorphin rush that only a killer workout can bring. Even my trainer keeps telling me I must learn to chill a bit. I am not a competitive person by nature, but I don’t know why I get into that mode in the gym. I want to outdo the guy working out in front of me. I want to do as many reps on the bench press, push-ups and bicep curls as the guy working out in front of me. I think it is something to do with feeling as strong as a man. I hate being seen as weak. It is one of the things in my personality that needs to be addressed by a shrink someday. I am always being strong for people around me. I am the problem-solver, I’m Ms Fix-it for most of my friends and even in my relationships. In most situations, where girls are crying and breaking down, I am calm and in control. At least that is what the world sees. I may be silently screaming inside, but I won’t let anyone see it. Maybe every now and then, I will talk about it with my best friend Sam, but she knows it all, even without my saying so. And I think so does my trainer Sid. I don’t relax my shoulder while working out and he often laughs, “I know you have a lot of burden on your shoulders but please learn to relax.” I like Sid. He’s quite cute and I see a lot of girls crushing on him but he’s very work-oriented. He knows better than to abuse the client-trainer relationship. Personal training can be an intimate affair. Working one-on-one can be incredibly intimate, physically and emotionally. The personal trainer knows your measurements, your weight, your food fears. He has a vested interest in your health and well-being, and is there to help you look and feel better. He is supportive and encouraging. And the nature of his job is such that he has to establish a rapport with clients and gain their trust in order to be successful. It is natural that at some point, physical attraction may occur between trainer and client but you can’t act upon it. Sure, I have felt it too. Even though Sid and I indulge in flirting sometimes, we both know this will always be strictly professional. You cannot let personal training get too personal. Sid can yell at me for not doing a work out right, or having french fries the previous night. He can urge me to do more push-ups, stretch my inner thigh muscles like no other man can, but that’s all the talking and touching that can happen between us. Doesn’t go further than that.

Vulnerability is sexy, says Emma

2011-09-19T03:34:00.000-07:00

Vulnerability is sexy, says Emma

So how many times had you watched “Dirty Dancing” before you made this film? Once
Ryan said that you were afraid to be lifted into the air like that? Yeah, I did have a panic attack. That was a stunt double. That was a stunt double, from a distance. We tried a couple of times, but it didn’t end up working out for me.
Did he drop you or something? No, he didn’t do anything wrong. He keeps thinking that I was afraid that he was going go drop me. Did you see how strong he was? He was pretty muscley.
How do you feel about how men pick up women in the way that Ryan Gosling’s character, Jacob, does in the film? Well, I know a lot of guys, to be honest with you, that don’t pick up women in that way or that have figured out that women figured that out a long time ago, and have outsmarted the situation. Although, I do see the game. I see the game a lot, you know that. The insult, compliment, insult, compliment, insult, compliment. So, that’s the new pickup line. The game. It works.
What was it like playing the romantic one? Oftentimes in films, I think women want to see the men do it. Your character does it in this film. What was that like? It was really great. The tables turned. He’s shirtless and I’m wearing all my clothes. It’s fantastic.
In real life, would you ever be attracted to someone like Ryan? His character, not him. Why not him?
Because we are talking about “Crazy, Stupid, Love.” Absolutely.
He starts out a bad guy. He doesn’t start out a bad guy. He starts out a guy that’s going through something that he hasn’t really examined, just like Hannah. They’re both people that haven’t really looked at what they’re doing with their lives, and then they kind of force each other to see who they truly are, pretty vulnerable goofy.
What attracts you in other people? Vulnerability and honestly. I don’t like where you can sense that they’re not telling you something or they’re being strong. I think it’s a lot sexier and a lot stronger when they admit what they’re afraid of. That’s probably the only one thing. And sense of humour, of course. Anybody would say that, but that’s huge.

Sex is a natural desire for both men and women

2011-09-11T03:21:00.000-07:00

Sex is a natural desire for both men and women

This new Abhishek Bachchan ad, which promotes 3G over Biwi, is cute but not smart. It is outdated. The ad shows all women pushing phones under their men’s noses to avoid having sex. Why does the ad only show the men craving for sex? I would’ve liked to have seen a few women putting the moves on their men, while they are trying to divert her attention to something else. Yeah, I know no one would’ve bought that. No man, even if he is in semi-coma, will ever say no to sex. But I object to the idea that sex is something only men want. It is a natural desire for both men and women. Not so long ago, our films used to project sex as something only guys craved and women only tolerated (they had to be cajoled and coerced into it). We’d see our heroes trying to initiate sex, while the leading lady trying her best to avoid it, as though he had an STD or something. The last of these kinds of song/scene appeared in Dhoom; with Abhishek Bachchan trying to bed his reluctant wife by singing
Koi nahin hai kamre mein…while she’s running around t h e house and closing doors on him as though he was a potential rapist and not her husband. And now the ad brought this women-hate-sex theory back from Stone Age. I wonder if this bothers other women as well. I love sex. And I don’t get these ‘headaches’ other women supposedly do. I’ve never said, “Not now, darling.” And I initiate sex as often as the guy I am with, if not more. Why am I supposed to wait for him to jump my bones, when I am just as capable of doing that? And I know men love it when a girl makes the first move. My male friends tell me it is an ego boost like no other. In fact, a friend of mine tells me how she sexts (sex texts) her guy saying “I need you now” while he is away, and that results in the best mattress mambo sessions when he returns. I know I am not the only girl on the planet who enjoys sex. It is important. I know a couple whose marriage broke up because of bedroom problems. She found sex cumbersome and didn’t like even harmless touching like holding hands of hugging. Her husband told me, “I always felt like she was putting up with sex, because it was her marital duty. I couldn’t bear touching her after a while. She told me she was open to the idea of me being with other women as long as I didn’t bring them home. That made me feel like a pervert. The bedroom problem didn’t just stay there. It affected every other area of our lives. And ultimately we separated.” A physical connection is as important as a mental connection. There has to be a reason for why human beings are the only species in the world who have sex for recreation and not procreation like the rest.

Urban lifestyles and distractions are taking a toll on our sex lives.

2011-09-11T03:08:00.000-07:00

Urban lifestyles and distractions are taking a toll on our sex lives.

    THERE’S a kind of hush in the bedroom. The birds aren’t chirping enough, and the bees have lost their buzz. The naked truth laid all-bare is that there’s little action happening between the sheets. There’s a libido crisis in the lives of many a married Indian couple.
Action deficit! Blame our urban lifestyles for driving the sex away. “Work and home-related stress, lack of time and privacy, and absence of work-life balance, chores, children and commutes all eat away at the desire component vital to sexual relations,” says eminent sexologist Dr Prakash Kothari.
    Caught up in the hectic whirligig of life in Mumbai, 39-year-old Rashi, a mother of two, can’t remember how long ago it was that she last had sex with her husband. “Probably, when I conceived my second child!,” she jokes, and adds, “It’s not that we are over sex or we don’t get aroused, but the two of us are so bushed when we finally hit the sack close to midnight that the hormones just won’t oblige. A classic situation of the spirit being willing but the flesh too weak to take part.”
    “Apart from being squeezed for time, and tiredness, an alarming surge in cases of depression and anxiety is another reason for sex being relegated to the backburner,” says psychologist and traumatologist Seema Hingorrany.
    “I see at least one case every day where the man or woman confesses that they’ve lost all interest in sex, or complain that they hardly have it. During the counselling sessions that follow, I invariably find that one of them is suffering from depression or anxiety, which could stem from loneliness and the empty nest syndrome to a lack of selfworth or financial losses. Also, I see many mothers’ lives these days solely centred around their kids, so much so that somewhere along the way, they forget to seek pleasure for themselves,” she says.
The marriage spot! Television actor, stand-up c o m e d i a n and now entrepreneur, Chennaib a s e d Craig Gallyot, who recently wed his girlfriend of six years VJ Pooja, says, “During our courtship days, we could hardly keep our hands off each other, and we could get down to it anywhere and everywhere, from bedroom and bathroom and once even behind a sari that was being put up to dry!”
    “But one-and-a-half-years into marriage,” he laments, “and you realise that someone’s just come down with this huge club and smashed your balls with things like ‘roof-over-head responsibility’, ‘good husband’, ‘responsible fatherhood’,‘winning the bread’… it feels like sheer castration! And then when you’ve to worry about who’s going to put the clothes in the machine and who’s going to clear the t ab l e, believe me, sex can and does often wait.”
Other pastures
to graze! If the action in the bedroom has all but dried up, it’s also true that the venue of action has shifted elsewhere. Both men and women are seeking their pleasures outside marriage.
    “Men are indiscreet and when they have a fling or a one-night-stand, the woman gets wind of it, but the women do it far more cleverly and skillfully, blending it seamlessly into the regular pattern of their lives, making it tough for anyone to catch them with their hands in the cookie jar. What can’t be denied that is no one’s taking this ebb in marital sex lying down; they’re doing something about it,” says advertising guru Prahlad Kakar.
    Concurring with that observation, Seema says, “Extra-marital affairs are definitely on the rise. You have attractions and temptations in the work
    set-up, and when you
    get back home, you tend to make comparisons.”
The gadget intrusion In her late 20s, Piyali and her husband are the archetypal yuppie DINK couple. And in their case, it isn’t stress that’s getting in the way of an active sex life. It’s the 24x7 dependence on gadgets and gizmos. “Call it Murphy’s Law, but just at the moment we’re all primed up to get the bed shaking, his Blackberry will beep, and my husband just has to get it!”
And if it’s not the gadgets, there’s the idiot box temptation. “Football scores far higher than sex with my partner! There’s some football match or the other almost every night…and he gets his kicks alright! It’s football on top and no woman on top for him,” says software engineer Tuhina, tongue-in-cheek.
    Talking of the influence of TV, Seema shares, “I’ve a client who has lost interest in sex because she’s obsessed with wanting her marriage to be like Imran Khan and Avantika’s. Though I know squat about Imran and Avantika’s married life, I tell my client that everything shouldn’t be taken at face value, and it’s important they work on their relationship issues instead of being taken in by superficial glamour of celebrity life.”
The prescription If passion has gone out of fashion in the bedroom, it’s time we got all physical about it!
    “Men will do well to not use their partners as sleeping pills. Often, once the man reaches climax and the wife’s only half-way there, our man’s already off to slumberland,” says Dr Kothari.
    THE Durex Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey Sexual health expert Dr Kevan Wylie said in a survey conducted a couple of years ago that more Indians would like to experience an orgasm every time they’ve sex, though only 46 per cent managed to actually do so.
    “If you want to have an orgasm, it’s important that you allow yourself to surrender to the good feelings you are experiencing. Relaxation is crucial — so try to reduce stress and spend time cuddling and touching with your partner. And you need to have a protected and uninterrupted time together, keep the rest of the family at bay and make sure you don’t bring your work worries with you into the bedroom.”
    Prahlad suggests play acting. “Making love should, whenever possible, be a pre-meditated act. During role-play, one can become the lady of the manor and the other the milk boy, or the man can do the Tarzan to the woman’s Jane act. It spices up your sex life, which as years go by, can become a lame, tame, something-to-be-gotten-over-with affair.”
    But what works best, according to Prahlad, is indulging in full-on fantasies. “Fantasising about someone, real or virtual, can render the counsellor redundant,” he says.
    Foreplay as a build-up to the real thing works wonders, says Dr Kothari, who insists most Indian men fail miserably in this department. He also suggests that couples talk about sex, discuss their likes and dislikes, and identify their erogenous zones and pleasure spots. “Talk, and you’ll never need to fake anything be it pleasure or having an orgasm.”
    Then of course there is the agony aunt wisdom. Flowers; chocolates; music; long drives; unscheduled holidays; a dance in the rain; post-it notes, and more sentimental mush.
    But like Craig jokes, “I can’t see why I need to spend money just to perk up my sex life with my legally wedded wife!”
    “Men are mostly too busy comparing their sizes to even worry about the action that they’re missing out on. It’s all about size and not the sizzle,” laughs Prahlad. Ah, men will be men! And the women are, well, much smarter!
Sex and the country! 27% get it on once a month, or once in two months and 18% never! 57% prefer giving man the top position! 62% like to do it in the night and in the privacy of their bedrooms… talk of being adventurous! 84% of those who experience orgasm feel at ease with themselves sexually Italians, Mexicans, Spanish and South Africans are most likely to climax, with 66% managing to hit the spot each time! But it’s the Brazilians who derive the most fun, with 65% usually feeling the earth move when they make love… Lucky them!

‘It’s not the man I am missing…perhaps the sex’

2011-09-04T00:44:00.000-07:00

‘It’s not the man I am missing…perhaps the sex’

In the last few days, I have been constantly surrounded by people. It really gets annoying to smile, be nice, nod while listening to someone blabber on and make polite conversation with random strangers. It’s really exhausting. There have just been a lot of people around me lately, thanks to the Fashion Week. Naturally there are designers, the make-up artistes and the hairdressers. Then there are photographers, reporters from fashion magazines, sponsors, special guests, not to mention friends of all the above-mentioned people, who feel obliged to drop in backstage to say hello. Then, there are the celebrities who walk the ramp, their secretaries, publicists and other assorted staff members. There’s just too much noise around, which makes me scream aloud. I just want to stand in the middle of the room and shout at the top of my lungs and drown out every other sound. Do I sound crazy? Maybe, I am going crazy. I have been on a short fuse lately. I have been snapping a lot. A model friend, who barely knows me, thinks it has something to do with my sudden single s t at u s . But I don’t think so. It’s not the man I am missing…perhaps the sex. That’s probably what I would say to explain the behaviour of someone who is being antsy: that’s she not getting laid. It’s true. My theory is that people, who are getting enough action in bed, tend to be happier than ones who aren’t. Of course, this does not apply to people who are abstaining for whatever reasons or simply not interested in sex. The ones who want it, and are not getting it are the dangerous ones. They are mad at the world at large for ignoring them and basically remove their frustrations on everyone — be it neighbours, colleagues, friends and family. No, I haven’t become one of those people. It’s not been that long. I am probably just going through what guys describe as a “moody bitch” phase. I don’t know the reason behind it. Hell, do I need one? It’s a chick thing. Girls will know what I mean. Guys won’t understand, even if I try to. They probably peg it down to PMS. I know that’s how guys classify behaviour they don’t understand. If only it were that simple. But I am glad that I am not in a relationship at the moment, but most guys have no clue how to deal with “the blues” as we girls like to call them. And I can’t break it down for you. I think it is a combination of three Ss that helps — shopping, spa and space. Then again, just know how much space to give. Stay on the fringes, don’t disappear, because that would make you a ‘deserter’ and then you’ll bear the full brunt of the bad mood. In my opinion, nothing helps the blues, like being around other girls. Just bonding over spa or shopping or sipping coffee together somewhere and just talking. We might even bitch a little about our guys, but don’t take that personally. We do love you, but you have your faults. And it’s best that we rant and get it out of our system. Confused? OK, then do what I tell my guy: love me, don’t try to understand me.

WOMEN ARE MORE LIKELY TO STRAY WHILE IN RELATIONSHIPS

2011-08-28T04:41:00.001-07:00

WOMEN ARE MORE LIKELY TO STRAY WHILE IN RELATIONSHIPS

    Men may have been known for straying in relationships, but the reality is that women are more likely to get caught up in a love triangle, says a study.
    Almost a quarter of women interrogated during the study were found to have been romantically involved with more than one individual at a time, while just 15% of the men admitted to two-timing, reported a newspaper.
    Of all those love triangles,about 18% were found to have started on social networking sites and anonymous internet chatrooms.
    In the survey of 2,000 people, it was observed that half of them believe that it is possible for one to be in love with more than one person at a specific point of time.
    It was also discovered that high earners are more likely to stray in their relationships than those who earn lower wages.
    According to Jo Hemmings, a relationship psychologist, while male love rats may be the biggest cheaters who are driven entirely by lust, opportunity and a grossly misguided sense of entitlement, it is women who tend to have a more complex view of relationships.
    Rashmi Seth agrees with this study. She states, “A few months into my relationship with my current boyfriend, I started to feel neglected. It was during this span of time that I started to rely on one of my male friends. Soon enough, I started to have feelings for him. But I also knew that my boyfriend was right for me, so I didn’t end up cheating in the literal sense. But yes, it’s very natural for women to feel for more than one man at a time.”

Plan the perfect first date

2011-07-24T02:14:00.000-07:00

Plan the perfect first date

Try these handy tips when you take your girl out on your first date

    If you thought that going up to the woman you like and asking her out was the only difficult part, you’re in for a reality check. The real deal maker is the first date. It’s no wonder that people go with the tried and tested method of conversations over coffee or some grub and wine at a restaurant.But this ‘traditional’fix-up has one big issue — the awkward silences.If you are one of those men who want to try out something new or have burnt your hands with uncomfortable first dates, try these nifty tips to keep your first date both exciting and chatty.
LET’S TALK The first place that most people think of heading to after the usual coffee or dinner is a movie, but that is the worst place to start a relationship. The whole point of a date is to get to know your partner, and picking a place where it is taboo to talk is disastrous. Sure you can discuss the movie later, but for the first couple of hours of the date, you are virtually mum. So why not try visiting a planetarium? The seats are usually comfortable and it’s almost like lying on the terrace of a farmhouse watching the stars.You can talk freely, and it makes for good conversation after the show ends as well. Appreciating or making fun of art is another way to go. You could even hit a book reading or a music gig, depends on what you and your date are into.
DON’T TOUCH Though dancing is an extension of happiness and can be very romantic, stay away from any duet dances. Salsa, tango and even jive can be reserved for after you have gotten to know each other intimately.You don’t want your date to feel uncomfortable and you surely don’t want to force physical contact on her sooner than she wants it.
    Romance can be achieved in a fun and nonintrusive way if you just think about it. If you and your partner like travelling, take a round trip on the Shatabdi to Amritsar and visit the sites there. Eat a good meal, just get a cup of coffee and walk down one of the streets in the city. For some, food is where the heart is. So instead of a posh restaurant, take a street food binge down Chandni Chowk. Holding hands might happen faster than you think...
GET PHYSICAL Choosing a physical activity like bowling or playing pool will get rid of all that nervous energy that you have built up in anticipation. At the same time,don’t choose a sweaty trip like a trek. However chilled out your date is, she wants to look her best the first time she is meeting you.
BLOOD PUMPING Dating is all about the exhilarating feeling and diving into the unknown. If you can replicate that, you are good to go. Now, a long drive to a dhaba in the middle of nowhere is just plain creepy. Make sure your date has no issues with gambling, and then head to the races at Jaipur Polo Grounds. If your horse wins, well you get some money and maybe even a hug for free. If you don’t, you get to her heart by consoling her.
    A steady stomach is required if you want to go to an amusement park or participate in some adventure sport, so make sure of that and head for a heady first date. Please stay away from a water park though, you don’t want to seem like a lech.
I’M A FOOL FOR YOU Why does dating have to be serious? Coffee and dinners force you to make predictably polite conversation. How about making fun of other people or of yourself? This can give you loads to talk about while showing off your humourous side. Go for one of the many karaoke nights in the city.Most of them are filled with inebriated folks who don’t care how they sing. Join them or laugh at them — that’s your choice. Then finally, there is also the gaming arcade. Though they aren’t as popular as they were a decade earlier, you will find a few new and exiting ones that are certainly worth a visit. Compete against your date or play as a team, but remember not to go overboard with your competitive spirit.

"right" way to masturbate

2011-07-23T05:50:00.000-07:00

It is important to understand there is no "correct" or "right" way to masturbate. Some women feel they should be able to masturbate to orgasm using a different or more correct method, because they hear other women do it that way. It is important to keep in mind that each woman's anatomy is a little different and her psychological makeup is a lot different, which results in every woman masturbating differently, even if they use the same basic technique.

While many women can masturbate to orgasm employing several techniques, others find they can reach orgasm only when they use the same method each time. There is nothing wrong with this. Partly because of conditioning and partly because of differences in woman's bodies, learning new techniques can be difficult or even impossible. If you are orgasmic with your current masturbation technique feel free to experiment, but do not feel you must reach orgasm in other ways too. Remember, masturbation should be fun and enjoyable, no matter how you do it.

Why Learning Early in Life is Important

2011-07-23T05:47:00.001-07:00

Why Learning Early in Life is Important

Masturbation is the first and most import sexual skill a girl or woman should learn, as it frequently holds the key to enjoying other forms of sexual activity. Ideally this skill is learned prior to puberty but too often it is not learned until a woman is in her late teens, early twenties, or later. The reason it should be learned or at least known about prior to puberty is so adolescent girls have a constructive means of addressing their developing sex drive. It also increases their awareness of their ever-changing body, providing some sense of control over it. If a teen knows how to masturbate she is less likely to be compelled to seek out a sexual partner before she is emotionally and physically ready; while girls may start menstruating between the ages of ten and fourteen, their body is not truly prepared for pregnancy, childbirth, and nursing until late in their teens. Masturbation provides young women with options other than sexual frustration and sex with a partner.

Learning to masturbate to orgasm at a young age is usually easier than later in life, when we have learned social mores and expectations, which frequently create barriers to sexual pleasure and orgasm. As we become older and more educated we tend to think about things too much. It is better to learn how to masturbate, and potentially experience orgasm, prior to knowing what you are doing and how others view those activities. Things teens and women have learned and experienced may and do prevent them from learning how to experience sexual pleasure and orgasm. When masturbation is learned early in life, girls often continue even if they feel guilty or fear being punished, because of the pleasure and relaxation it brings them: innocence and naivety do have their benefits.

Masturbation is Rewarding!

2011-07-23T05:46:00.001-07:00

Masturbation is extremely beneficial to women throughout their life, from infancy to maturity. Masturbation provides women with the opportunity to explore their body while at the same time giving them a high degree of sexual freedom. It allows them the opportunity to experience sexual pleasure without relying on a partner, and to release sexual energy and tension when "they" choose too. Masturbation can be very empowering for women, as it gives them increased control over their body and sexuality. Masturbation is a great teaching tool, it teaches women about their body, how it responds to sexual stimulation. For many normal and healthy women masturbation is their primary or only means of experiencing orgasm. Many women experience their most intense orgasms while masturbating, because they can provide the ideal mental and physical stimulation they require, without worrying about the wants of their partner. While a woman will not always have a sexual partner, she will always have herself.

Sex-guide according to your age

2011-07-18T04:42:00.000-07:00

Sex-guide according to your age

20-something
Most guys just can't stop dreaming about sex every couple of hours. At this age, girls are usually rebellious in their sexual imaginations. They share same-sex fantasies or want to try out bi-sexuality. A 2006 study of nearly 2000 people discovered that 76 per cent of women who slept with women reached orgasm (for women with men, the figure stands at 50 per cent).

The 20s are the time when young boys and girls are most experimental in their sexual positions. One in 10 people claims Tracey Cox have had a threesome in their early twenties.
Also, people in this age group have most likely visited a strip joint or a lapdancing club - with their friends or their better half.
30 something
The 30s are a time to experiment, almost all 30-somethings claim to have had sex outdoors. Unlike the teens when making out was the most common form of sexual experimentation, most 30 somethings prefer having sex somewhere semi-public like the beach, in the garden or on a park bench in the darkness. There's something wildly erotic about these sexapades! Also, high on the 30 something popularity chart are having sex in the shower or in the bath tub.
Kinky pleasures also rate high as most 30 plus couples claim to be giving in to their fantasies of bondage, blindfolds and spanking on a weekend of debauchery.
This is also the time when women are most likely to befriend gay male pals. Straight women love gay men; gay men love straight women. Swedish research is confirming just why the two groups get along so famously - they both have symmetrical brains. Straight men and lesbians have asymmetrical brain hemispheres.
The 30s also mark the arrival of children in a married couple's life, so the sex drive naturally dwindles. But, Cox points out that during pregnancy, couples have sex four to five times a month. Most put the brakes on their sex lives for about seven weeks after delivery, but four months later are back to four or five times of sex a month. Cox says six months after delivery, the average couple goes back to having sex three to five times a month. But incase you don't fit the bill, remember getting disheartened ain't gonna help. Remember it's just a temporary period, so continue touching and cuddling and if your baby robs you of chances to have sex, indulge in quickies.
Most women says Cox in her book experience higher orgasm rates. Ninety per cent of women past 30 regularly experience orgasm, compared to just 23 per cent of younger women.
40 something
Men in their 40s are more likely to experience erection problems. Also, this is the age when maximum number of men tend to be unfaithful. Also, men are more compelled in their 40s to watch more porn or indulge in sex chats. Women on the other hand get sexually very demanding, often being attracted to younger men.
If you thought the 40s were about low libido, think again, while 40-somethings maybe having less sex than ever, the thrust has shifted from how many times in a week to an emphasis on better quality. You are more sure of your sexual needs in this age group and thus more likely to insist on passion play as opposed to a mere making out session.

Seduction is about attraction or influence

2011-07-17T04:32:00.000-07:00

Seduction is about attraction or influence, to win over, even if just in fun.

SEDUCTION is sexy. It’s a way of life in France. Author Elaine Sciolino in her book, La Seduction: How The French Play The Game Of Life describes how seduction can be a powerful weapon. She is a Paris correspondent and former Paris bureau chief for The New York Times. In 2010, she was decorated a chevalier of the Legion of Honor, the highest honour of the French state, for her “special contribution” to the friendship between France and the United States. She was fascinated by the theme of ‘seduction’ while giving a lecture — “Throughout the conversation, I explained how seduction is a driving force in France. They take great pleasure in drawing out conversation, in flirting even if it is innocuous — it makes life mysterious.”
What is the interpretation of the word seduction for the French? Seduction, in France, has a much broader definition than in English. It does not have a solely sexual connotation; rather it is an all-encompassing word that can stand for persuasion, attraction, influence and soft power. One can talk of seduction in gastronomy —a meal with Guy Savoy, the scent of a perfume, a walk through the Versailles gardens, a night-tour of Paris illuminated, Chirac’s baisemain, a playful, yet intellectual conversation with Jean d’Ormesson. Saying that a politician is a seducer does not necessarily mean that he is sexually attractive, it can mean that he has great charisma.
Can the art of seduction define
people’s everyday lives? Seduction is an undercurrent in France, but it is much more subtle than simple flirtation or sexual desire. It has to do with certain playfulness and an art in taking pleasure. A lot of what the French do has to do with seduction, because it is an important component of daily conversation. However, one has to remember that seduction can turn into something more if it is pushed to a limit, or perverted. For instance, a powerful man seducing a woman. In France, it is almost a civic duty to seduce. The paradox is that the American quest for perfect looks is often viewed with disdain in France. A too-put-together look is a turn-off, a sign that someone is insecure and has tried too hard.
Globally, which nationality is a
master at the game of seduction? I can speak for America, often seduction is really solely linked with sex or romance. In France, one can speak of almost anything as being seductive, from a beautiful man or woman to a car, a cheese. In America, a sexual seduction can lead to sex (the goal), whereas in France, seduction can mean an entire night of speaking, and then no act (like in the Rohmer film My Night at Maud’s).
What’s the secret weapon of the seduction game? How can one win? It is a game, but a neverending one, because once there is a winner, the seduction ends. Seduction is not about having a winner or a loser necessarily; it is not about a goal. Seduction has to do with mystery and constant surprises; it has to do with verbal banter, perhaps flirtation, or simply conversation that goes on and on. Seduction has to do with the process, not the result. If there is a winner, there needs to be a result.
What are the techniques of seduction? One of them is le regard, or the look, in English. Le regard is the electric charge between two people, their eyeslock and there is an immediate understanding. So much of seduction and seducing the other has to do with le regard. It holds promise and mystery, it’s much more subtle than words. It has to do with the body without being overtly physical and sexual, but it can be enough to destabilise a person. Another very important technique is the word and voice. The way people speak in France is crucial to seduction. Marivaux
invented Marivaudage, wordplay, artful conversation. To be avoided are blunt and direct phrases. There are people who can seduce just by their voice. For example, Jean-Luc Hees, the chief executive of Radio France. One woman who spoke with him said that although she couldn’t understand a lot of what he said (she was American), his voice was “like opera. I understood nothing. But the music was wonderful.”
Is success all about being a good
seducer – be it in politics, business or the corporate world? Seduction is a crucial tool if you are a politician. It’s something that Valery Giscard d’Estaing was very much aware of, as were Mitterrand and Chirac. A counter-example is Sarkozy: At first, one of the main reasons Sarkozy was perceived so negatively was that he wasn’t seductive enough.
He had a fierce temper, didn’t drink alcohol and didn’t take pleasure in eating. In other words, he seemed like an anti-seducer. Politicians are expected to be seductive. In the corporate world, like in all situations where there is a power structure, seduction is a tool that is used every day — again, this has to do with process, rather than goals, which can at times mean a lack of efficiency.
How to be a perfect seducer Lock your eyes with the person, hold a promise of mystery Let your voice be soft, indulge in artful conversation Don’t be blunt and hurtful With your lover, don’t ever walk around naked Seduce with surprises and verbal banter Take pleasure in indulging yourself

Date rape is the new reality

2011-07-17T04:30:00.000-07:00

Date rape is the new reality in urban cities as potent party drugs slyly make their way into our lives

    THOSE in the party circuit are aware of the lethal effect and consequence of ‘predators’, a common term for ‘date rape’ drugs. “Date rape drugs have been a social curse for all age groups. But what’s alarming is their availability and usage amongst teenagers in the affluent middle class,” says an official of the Narcotics Control Bureau (NCB).
Perils of the party pill The growing menace of party pills can be estimated by the number of seizures that have been made in the past few years in urban cities. Only recently, Mumbai police seized Ketamine worth 3.5 crore in Andheri. Last year, the party drugs, ephedrine and methamphetamine, worth 26 crore were seized from Thane. The question is, who’s buying it?
    Police say a few years ago the use of such drugs was restricted to those who were involved in cheating passengers in trains and buses by spiking their
drinks, but now college students and young working people are using it to sexually exploit women.
    Says psychiatrist Dr Jitender Nagpal, “The most common date rape drug used is Rohypnol, prescribed for sleep problems or as anesthesia. The
other two drugs are Gamma Hydroxybutyric Acid or GHB and Ketamine, used for veterinary purposes. Such drugs are usually not available under their genuine names in the open market, but are easily procured by their street names for a few extra bucks.”
The strange effects Date rape drugs are odourless, colourless and tasteless pills. These drugs commonly have sedative, hypnotic and amnesiac affects. Dr A K Das of Guru Teg Bahadur Hospital explains, “A glass of drink spiked makes a woman lose her ability to make appropriate decisions. They deaden her senses, making her unable to ward off sexual assault.”
    Most date rapes go unreported because the victims remain unaware of the fact that they have been sexually assaulted. If they do remember something and report the matter to the police, the case falls flat in the court due to lack of evidence and the victim’s poor memory.
Whose crime is it anyway? Experts feel that date rape is a consequence of today’s hookup culture — lots of partying and flirting, plenty of alcohol, and also, the idea that women can be just as bold and adventurous about sex as men are. Internet chatting and social networking sites are proving to be platforms for rapists to hunt their victims. Most of
these cases are reported from suburbs, bars, pubs and other party joints.
Says Pinky Anand, senior Supreme Court lawyer, “Date rape is a form of sex-offence which often goes unnoticed, unmentioned and hence unpunished because it is difficult to show that the victim was not consenting.” All the party divas, these are the things you need to be aware of — it’s best not to accept or share drinks. Never leave your drink unattended, even if you are going to the washroom. Having a non-drinking friend with you at a party helps.

I have been with married men’

2011-07-17T04:29:00.000-07:00

I have been with married men

I have lost the number of times Mak has helped me solve my man trouble. And I have held his hands through his disastrous relationships. The problem is that we both like the wrong (read married) kind of men. I don’t know what it is about a married man, but I find most of my friends too find being with one more exciting than a single guy. I’ve had my share of them. And it’s been the same for Mak. He tells me that he has slept with more married ‘straight’ men than single gay men. He just falls for married men, and eventually ends up with a broken heart, because none of these guys are looking to leave their wives and their social standing for a gay man. I like married men for exactly that reason —they don’t want to leave their wives. I don’t have to worry about commitment. I have been with married men, but it’s never been a relationship. Oh go on, judge me. It’s not that I have gone after them. If a married guy hooks up with me, why is the burden of that on me? He is the one who has taken vows not to stray; it’s his problem, not mine. I am free to be with who I c h o o s e as long as I am not in a relationship. I won’t cheat when I am in a relationship. Which is why I have been ignoring Ralph’s calls and texts since the day I dropped him and the missus at the airport. I admit there is certain chemistry between us, but I am seeing his brother and this has disaster written all over it. Finally, good sense has prevailed, especially after meeting his wife. He did call me later and tried to explain that they are in the process of separating, and I told him it didn’t concern me. I arrived in Delhi last evening, and I found him at Gere’s house when I arrived. I was as polite as I could be, then vanished into the bedroom feigning a migraine. I had no intention of spending an evening having drinks and dinner with him. When Gere came into the room sometime after midnight, he casually mentioned that Ralph was crashing in the guest bedroom. I didn’t say anything. He’d been texting me all evening from out, begging me to come out and threatened he wouldn’t leave till I did so. I didn’t reply. When Gere walked into the room, I switched my cell phone off. I wanted to enjoy my piece of mind and the man in bed with me. The next morning, I begged him to put a shirt over his boxers before he went down for coffee to cover the scratches on his back, but he just smiled and walked out. Oh well, two can play the game. I showered, pulled on a tube dress and joined him for coffee, with my hair tied in a high pony, baring my neck and shoulders, which he had devoured last night. All I needed was a night with a vampire to drive the demon of doubts from my head. I am now in my city. Head sorted. Deleted Ralph from my phone. And am sure it’s a matter of time before he deletes me from his memory.

Nice girls and bad boys!

2011-07-17T04:27:00.001-07:00

Nice is dull, and the excitement and adventure that ‘bad’ brings with it can prove irresistible!

    FLICKING through channels, I chanced upon the umpteenth rerun of the movie, Murder. The scene I stumbled upon was Ashmit Patel faced with the evidence of his wife’s infidelity. The obviously embarrassed detective who has just presented him with pictures of his wife (played by Mallika Sherawat) and her paramour (Emran Hashmi), consoles him, “Your wife is a good woman, don’t worry, all will be well. The problem is that when a bad guy sets his mind on wooing a woman, even the best of women fall prey to him!”
    What is it that attracts nice girls to bad boys? Well of course, ‘nice’ is dull, and ‘bad’ spells excitement, mystery, adventure — the lure of the unknown. Opposites attract, true. Had it not been so, Beauty would have never fallen for the Beast in the popular fairytale. A good woman finds a bad guy as irresistible as children find a scary rollercoaster ride. Not only does he inhabit a world vastly different from hers but also his slick rendition of wellpractised compliments and flirtatious mannerisms rocks the very ground on which Miss Goody has been standing steady.
    The equation works out well; good girls are nurturers and have an innate need to give and benefit people and the world around. In the bad guy they find the eternal taker, the perfect subject for their need to reform and look after. A man on the other hand is attracted by a nice girl as an “unattainable” target that challenges all that is macho and wild within him! He loves a good chase and the trophy at the end of it!
    Bad guys, unlike the simple, nice ones, have exciting layers to them that a woman enjoys peeling off to discover hitherto undiscovered facets. The good guy is all there, the bad one awaits discovery. Normally the rake is smooth and at ease with his compliments, making a woman feel admired, sexy, exciting and wellloved. A woman’s sexuality is very dependent on the way she feels with a man, and if he can make her feel top of the world, even the most cautious woman can melt into a puddle of sensuality.
    Typically, a rake will approach a woman he targets in a studied manner that is most often picked straight out of women’s popular romantic fiction. Having got her interested, he will back off a bit, giving her space, and arousing that little bit of insecurity! He knows the success of his modus operandi depends on basic good looks, a smooth demeanour and perfect timing — and he works on all.
    However, even though the badboy-meets-good-girl story may be a great rollercoaster ride for a while, it usually ends in disaster. We all know of instances where girls have been swept off their feet by exciting guys and some years later, when the discovery period ends, have been left shattered and re gretful. Kavita (name changed), a reader, talks of the daily bouquets, chocolates or books she would receive from Jaydeep along with exciting little love notes in her college days. “Those
days I seemed to come across him round every corner. He would recite poems, write songs for me and even sketched me painstakingly. I was swept off my feet like I never dreamt I would be. However once married, I soon discovered his totally possessive, insanely irrational and wildly promiscuous side. It was a disaster within the first few days, though it took me years to finally walk out! What a waste of precious years!”
    In retrospect, Kavita blames herself for falling for Jaydeep’s act hook, line and sinker. “It was all too smooth and too much like romantic fiction. I should have realised that it was too good to be true! But I convinced myself into believing what I wanted to believe!”
    True, when everything is too smooth
    and pat, one should never sit back
    and accept it as God’s gift! Stay alert and keep your wits around you. Refuse to be rushed into anything; there is never any harm in waiting till you are sure.
Kavita’s experience and the dialogue from Murder made me wonder whether only nice girls get attracted to bad guys? Don’t nice guys too get similarly attracted to bad girls? My mind went back some years to an aunt who, having married off her daughters, was exceedingly worried about her son. When I asked her why, she replied, “One has to be even more vigilant about a son than a daughter nowadays! You don’t know what kind of girls keep pursuing boys from good families and before you know it, the boy has been ensnared!”
So, it seems that what is true of a “bad boy” is equally true of a “bad girl”. Both can succeed in ensnaring a good s p e c i m e n from the other sex, when they set their minds to it! Now, what attracts a nice boy to a bad girl? The same things of course. The ‘bad’ girl brings in the element of excitement and adventure that is missing in the good guy’s life. And if she sets her sights on him, he can barely believe his luck that she wants him! Typically “good” people are those who follow the tried and tested and stick to the normally acceptable societal mores. Those typecast as “bad” are the ones who break the mould and experiment outside the accepted. The rebels are a mysterious lot that spell perennial fascination for those that traditionally toe the line. They not just attract and fascinate, but even leave the “good” guys with a feeling of panic, as if they may be missing out on the good things of life; their mundane life keeping them bereft of adventure and excitement! Any sudden need to run with the wild packs should be given due consideration before being indulged!

Why men flirt in office? Because they hate their job

2011-07-16T04:44:00.000-07:00

Why men flirt in office? Because they hate their job

London: Taking it as a compliment when he flirts with you at office? Don't get smitten by such men as they might be doing so just to to relieve boredom, a new study has found.
    Researchers at the University of Surrey who asked more than two hundred men and women between the ages of 21 and 68 about whether they flirt at work found that many men who do so are likely to be less satisfied with their job and are bored.
    The participants — lawyers, stockbrokers, charity workers and civil servants — were also asked questions about their personalities, how satisfied they were in their jobs and how hard they worked.
    The results revealed a clear difference between the sexes. Women who flirted were just as happy in their jobs as those who kept relationships on a strictly business basis. However, male flirts tended to be less satisfied with their lot, the Daily Mail reported.
    Researcher Chadi Moussa said, “Previous research has shown that people flirt for various reasons, which include increasing their self-esteem, fun and romance. If men are feeling unsatisfied in their roles, then they may resort to flirting to keep them entertained and this would partially explain the negative relationship. While it can have benefits, excessive flirting at work may be a sign that you're unsatisfied with your job or simply bored.”

HERE’S HOW YOU CAN GET INTIMATE THE RIGHT WAY

2011-07-16T04:32:00.001-07:00

HERE’S HOW YOU CAN GET INTIMATE THE RIGHT WAY

    When pleasure is just a few microns away from your life, make sure you have the newly-launched Durex Superthin Ultima – India’s thinnest condom so far. From the house of Durex, the world’s number one condom brand, the latest product delights like none other. At 50 microns, Superthin Ultima promises sheer pleasure with its ‘almost not there’ factor – about 25% thinner than other condoms and even thinner than human hair (65-70 microns). It’s about having ‘unguarded sex’ with a protective barrier – enticing even condom-haters to use Superthin Ultima for its almost zero presence feel.
    The protection that Superthin Ultima offers, meets global standards and is available in packs of three and six. Each condom assures an experience that is closest to the natural with unmitigated closeness and indescribable pleasure in a manner that only brand Durex can provide. A trendsetter, Durex has introduced several new products keeping in mind the needs of the Indian consumers. From last year’s Play Range (an exclusive range of non-condom pleasure accessories for women) to this year’s focus on Next-Gen condoms, Durex packs in decades of experience into each and every product and is also perfect with the Superthin Ultima as well.
    So this time, just in case there is no stock at the neighbourhood store, Durex estore provides a 24-hour service to get your hands on what you may need. You just need to log on to http://www.durexindia.com/estore, and place your order. All orders are delivered in nondescript shipping packages with no indication of contents inside. It is perfect for those who shy away from buying intimate protection, so this estore removes one more stumbling block for using condoms.
    Sheer thinness, extreme pleasure and a trustworthy safeguard – why would any man or woman need anything other than Durex Superthin Ultima?

Men want cuddles, women prefer sex

2011-07-14T05:45:00.000-07:00

Men want cuddles, women prefer sex

London: Contrary to general perception, a new study has found that men need to cuddle to be happy in a long-term relationship while women prefer to have sex.
    Researchers at Indiana University have found that acts of affection like hugs and kisses are more important to men than women. And for women, sex tends to get better over time — after a couple has been together about 15 years.
    Lead author Julia Heiman said that the first 15 years of a relationship may be emotionally draining for women while they are raising children. As they get older, they have fewer pressures.
    She said: “It's possible that women became more sexually satisfied over time because their expectations change or life changes when their children grow up. The period of less satisfaction seems to overlap with the period of raising children, during which other things really take a focus.”
    The study is based on a survey of over 1,000 couples from five different countries who had been in relationships for between one and 51 years. Men who reported frequent kissing and cuddling were three times as happy, on average, as those who had less snuggling with their partners. Women said that such shows of affection had very little impact on their happiness.
    Both men and women reported their sex lives improving the longer their relationship had lasted. But men were more likely to say they were happy with their relationship while women were more likely to report being satisfied with the sex.

Your wife’s sleep disorders can affect your marital relations adversely

2011-07-14T05:41:00.000-07:00

Your wife’s sleep disorders can affect your marital relations adversely

    Anew research has suggested that the quality of interactions among married couples is affected by the inability of the wife to fall asleep at night, but not by the sleep problems of the husband.
    Results show that wives, who take longer to fall asleep at night, reported more negative marital interactions the next day, and it also predicted their husband’s reports of less positive marital interaction ratings the following day. In contrast, the husband’s sleep did not affect their own or their wife’s report of next day’s marital interactions.
    “We found that wives’ sleep problems affect her own and her spouse’s marital functioning the following day, and these effects were independent of depressive symptoms,” said principal investigator Wendy M Troxel, assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
    Wives who took longer to fall asleep the night before reported poorer marital functioning the next day, and so did their husbands. According to the authors, the findings show that sleep disorders such as insomnia can have a negative impact on marital relationships.
    “These results highlight the importance of considering the interpersonal consequences of sleep and sleep loss,”

Why should we follow a deadline, ask girls

2011-07-14T05:33:00.001-07:00

Why should we follow a deadline, ask girls

    Girls say they are mature enough to know when is the right time to get back home, parents worry for their daughters for they feel Delhi is an unsafe city for women and dread the thought of their daughters becoming victims, boys understand their duty to drop off a girl home on time, but do feel that equality in our society is still lacking. Here’s what they had to say...
GIRLS’ REACTIONS I don’t need a deadline I don’t believe in deadlines as such, but in a city where I have no support system (I’m an outstation person here), I hardly venture out after 9pm. And if I’m late than that then I prefer to be in a large group, instead of being along on the streets.
    Lisa, 30, journalist There should be no deadlines I think there should be no deadlines set for an adult girl by others (be it her brother, mother, father, husband, partner, whoever). If at all a deadline has to be set, it should be set by the girl herself. If she is mature enough to go out and work/study, she is also mature enough to know what time she should get back home by. My deadline usually is 9pm – that’s when I come home from work.
    Priyanka Arora, 22, working with
    an MNC in Gurgaon I come home by 2am and my parents understand that My work is such that we are required to work round-the-clock, attend late night events, etc. So, it has become very regular for me to reach home by 1 or 2am. Even when I go out with my friends, I come back home by 2am. I live with my parents and they understand my work hours. If I’m out with my friends, my parents want me home by 1am, latest 2, but they make sure that my friends drop me or if it’s a shared cab with friends, they want at least one guy to be present till all the girls are dropped home.
    Meeta Anand, 25, PR professional I have a deadline of 2am It’s not justified. Someone in their late teens cannot be treated like kids. The
murder was uncalled for. As college-goers, we are given enough freedom to venture out at night with our friends, you do not go clubbing in the afternoon. Me and my circle of friends get a deadline of about 2am generally.
    Nikita, 2nd year student, Maths Hons,
    Sri Venkateswara College My parents are ok with me partying till 2am My parents have no problem with me partying till 2am also. Parents need to understand that a girl and a boy can also be friends! They don’t always have to be in a relationship.
    Ananya Sharma, 18, student BOYFRIENDS Girls should decide when they want to go out My girlfriend and I go out all the time, sometimes at night and while she is with me, her parents do not complain. Women should have the freedom to walk out of the house any time they want and talk to whoever they feel like, just like men. If that’s not the case then equality in society is still pending.
    Shubham Bhatt, 22, working professional
    at a PR firm, We get them home by midnight Whenever I am out with my girlfriends, I ensure that they reach home by 10, if they are going alone. Or, if one of the guys is dropping the girls, we ensure that they reach home by midnight. The city is unsafe, what with cops themselves harassing younger people on the road at night. Why take a chance at all?
    Abhishek Sharma, 25,
    advertising professional If partying alone, be back by 11pm The cops are not completely irrational when they say that a girl shouldn’t go home alone at night in Delhi. So, whenever I am out with my girlfriend, I drop her back home by midnight because her parents are always worried about her safety. The days she works late, her family insists that she reaches home by 11pm, and I think that is a good and safe deadline for her to stick to.
    Gaurav Shukla, 28, IT professional Midnight works for us Once a month I party till midnight with my girlfriend and there is nothing wrong in it. For us, midnight works well! But yes, whenever we do that we make sure that are parents are aware of it. Their concern for our security is genuine. Occasions when I don’t tell them, I make sure I don’t do anything that might create a problem for me.
    Vikramjeet Singh Bhattal,
    Hindu College, 18 PARENTS The deadline should be 9pm The deadline for girls who travel alone should be 9pm – at that time, at least there will be other women using public transport. At 9ish, you still have people on the roads and it’s not that unsafe. But after that, there’s no one to ask for help too on the roads. Being independent is good, but it should not be confused with stupidity when it comes to venturing out alone.
    Shruti Sharma, 45 Driving alone is unsafe after 11pm My daughter has been driving alone for the past couple of years and she is pretty confident. She also keeps a pepper spray with her and has taken self-defence classes too, so we know she will not be completely helpless when confronted with a situation. But even then, the deadline is 11pm – it’s not safe for any girl to be coming home alone after that.
    Harinder Singh Sodhi, 52 Her deadline is 9pm My daughter has just started working a year ago, and even though she protests at time, my deadline for her is 9pm. Since she takes the metro and comes home, we cannot allow her to be out later than 9.30. The city is unsafe and we don’t want our daughter to become a victim. If she’s out with friends, then she can come back home by 11pm, provided someone drops her home.
    Kritika Dhingra, 42 My daughter fought for an 11pm deadline I understand that girls may need to stay out late for work at times. But I also know it’s not safe. So, we’d set a deadline of 10pm for her initially, but she fought to get it changed to 11, which we’ve agreed to. On weekends, we allow her to come back home by midnight, but that is only when someone accompanies her. If she has to come alone, then 11 is the deadline.
    Nitin Kumar, 54
ARE BOYS EVER GIVEN A DEADLINE? Why should there be a deadline for only girls to adhere to? Do parents ever ask their son to be back home before midnight? Till when will girls be expected to forgo their freedom? I find no logic in conforming to the norms, discriminating in nature, which the society sets. Girls should be allowed to party till they like – even if it means till the wee hours.

‘Social X-ray’ glasses can reveal your deep thoughts

2011-07-14T05:28:00.000-07:00

‘Social X-ray’ glasses can reveal your deep thoughts

Here’s some good news for those who are nervous to go on their first date or face an interview — you can now sport a pair of “social X-ray” glasses that can let you know exactly what another person is thinking.
    Researchers at Massachusetts Institute of Technology’s Media Lab, who are making the glasses, say the specs can also tell people when they should stop talking.
    The glasses have a built-in camera which monitors the other person’s facial expressions and matches them up with 24 known features which convey emotions.
    It will then tell the individual via an earpiece and lights on the glasses what their date is thinking, the ‘Daily Mail’ reported.
    In a traffic light-style system, a red light means negative, amber means they are moderately interested and green means your date is happy. The eyewear was developed for people suffering from autism who have genuine difficulties interacting with others, but now the team behind it has seen wider applications of the glasses. The prototype works thanks to a camera the size of a grain of rice which is put into the frame and connected to a computer, attached to the user’s body.
    The camera monitors how long and how often 24 ‘feature points’ appear on the subject’s face which are then analysed by software developed by the MIT team. This data is then compared with a bank of expressions and the computer tells the wearer what is going on via the earpiece and the traffic light system. So fa,r the glasses are still a work in progress and have been accurate just 64 per cent of the time.

For brides, size does matter

2011-07-11T04:43:00.001-07:00

For brides, size does matter

    Harbani Kaur was never a vain woman. Her clothes were attractive, with ‘functional’ being the key word, her makeup barely entailed anything beyond a cursory touch of kajal and well-applied lip balm. She loved her muffin-top figure. But three months after getting engaged to her fiance, Karan, things changed.
    “I was never like this,” she moans, “I was sorted and never shallow. All I know now is that I have to look good in my wedding pictures. I will be wearing a midriff-baring lehenga for the pheras, so this must go,” she says, pointing at her love handles. Her fiance, on the other hand, cannot come to terms with his bride’s new obsession. “She is perfect the way she is, all this crash-dieting is unnecessary,” he says.
    Natasha Rastogi*, a media professional, says, “My best friend got married in February. She was a decent 55 kilos, but just before her wedding, she got this odd notion in her head that she was fat. She went on a crazy diet, which, during the stress of all the wedding preparations took a toll on her and she had to be hospitalized and was forced to eat healthy. She kept crying that she would look hideous in the pictures that would stay with her for life. It took a lot of cajoling from her family and fiance to convince her that she
    looked great and didn’t need to lose any weight.”
    These women aren’t the only ones desperate to lose weight before their wedding. The phenomenon has come to be known as ‘Brideorexia’, and is defined as when brides go overboard trying to get skinny for their wedding day. Kate Middleton famously went on a diet to drop pounds before getting hitched to William. Hollywood television actor Sara Rue shed 50 pounds before tying the knot with her fiance. Following her drastic, and admittedly healthy victory in the ‘battle of the bulge’, she is all set to host the reality show – “Shedding for the Wedding”. The show will feature overweight couples wanting to drop pounds before their big day.
    The pressure to be a beautiful bride has always been high, but brides are setting the bar higher than ever before. A prominent slimming centre offers a helping hand to the desperate brides. Says the spokesperson, “Our bridal package comprises special and customized figure correction programmes. The programme promises weight loss and inch loss treatment per session.” Though the centre was unwilling to reveal the number of takers for their bridal package, a regular client revealed (on the condition of anonymity), that the first time she went for her fat reduction treatment, the first question she was asked was if she was getting married any time soon.
    It isn’t just the brides who start dieting before their wedding. Relatives and friends have also jumped on the bandwagon. Says Kamna Saxena*, who works in a publishing house, “I have told all my friends and cousins to give me a 6-month heads-up before they get married, so that I have enough time to lose weight.”

Forbidden pleasures

2011-07-11T04:29:00.000-07:00

The forbidden and the unusual can seem irresistible at times. But consider the repercussions before you get tempted!

    Isn’t it true? Forbidden fruit always tastes sweeter, that’s what got Adam and Eve into huge trouble. Problem is that while they were denied just that one experience and even then couldn’t resist having a taste, we have temptations galore! We encounter nays and don’ts at every turn; some imposed by law, some by society, others by those close to us, and yes, some restrictions we impose on ourselves!
    And now it seems it’s not just the forbidden that tempts us, but even the out-of-theordinary things that help break the monotony of everyday life.
    The world of Adam and Eve was a spanking new one with untold treasures yet to be discovered; we live in a jaded world where anything out of the ordinary excites and rejuvenates while the ordinary, everyday stuff bores. And that’s how you have people like New York Congressman Anthony Weiner and Oscar winning film director Quentin Tarantino, who are in the news not for something as mundane as having an affair, but for acts that make fellow beings sit up — somewhat in disgust, somewhat in amusement, somewhat in wonder, and yes, even envy!
    While public personalities like golf legend Tiger Woods met their nemesis by having multiple affairs and IMF Chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn pounced on a hotel maid and politician N
D Tiwari was caught with sex workers,
nothing as ordinary would do for Weiner!
He got his kick by tweeting sexually explicit photos and messages of himself in an aroused state to young girls before and during his marriage! Technically, he didn’t have an extra-marital affair but to most, what he did was somehow far worse!
    Not to be outdone in affaires extraordinaire, Tarantino has now hit the headlines with his toe fetish. An Indian girl has revealed how the talented filmmaker sucked on her toes while pleasuring himself. Most men, though they may jeer at Tarantino, would have been curious about and fascinated by his twinkle toe act! As Mark Oppenheimer writes in Huffington Post, “There was something not weird, but too familiar about Weiner. His style might not be for everyone (to put it politely), but the impulse to be something other than what we are in our daily, monogamous lives, the thrill that comes from the illicit rather than the predictable, is something I
imagine many couples can identify with. With his online flirtations and soft-porn photos, he did what a lot of us might do if we were lonely and determined to not really cheat.”
    Defying the law, flouting traffic rules, drinking yourself senseless, destroying public property, ringing a bell and running away — all these activities seem so exciting when teenage hormones are raging. Unfortunately for some, those hormones never do quite settle down. And Mr Hyde is always waiting just a breath away to emerge and exhibit a vastly different persona and morality from that of Dr Jekyll.
    Everyone is faced with the same temptations at some point or the other, and all of us have a Mr Hyde lurking within us. The difference is that while some give in to forbidden pleasures and excitement, others consider repercussions and hold on steadfast against temptation. Minor temptations such as 10 minutes of extra sleep, chocolates, rich chocolate pastries or that extra helping of food cannot harm anyone as much as temptations that have the potential to turn into public scandals and take down loved ones along with us. The worst fear of succumbing to temptations is when you end up hurting loved ones or harming yourselves. One can never really know one’s vulnerability unless actually faced with temptation.
    Each of us knows our strengths and weaknesses in normal conditions; but it would help to consider what exactly we are capable of doing in our vulnerable moments. We have no idea what are our friends, colleagues and neighbours capable of doing in unusual circumstances? Do loneliness and depression lead us into doing things we would never do under normal conditions? What is the worst thing that the colleague seated in the next cabin has done? Has he sexted sexy pictures of himself to women? Is he a closet gay? Is he a stalker?! Or the friend you share lunch with every day. Do you know what she is up to when nobody observes her? After all, would Weiner’s friends and relatives have ever suspected he was sexting lewd photographs of himself to young girls on social networking sites? It is only by unearthing the Hyde within us and understanding him that we can strengthen Jekyll to maintain his strength and will power under all circumstances. It is only by knowing the extent to which we can fall that we can determine and establish the heights we can reach. So go on, give in to the temptation of that extra 10 minutes of shut-eye …it may even help you keep Mr Hyde under check, lest greater temptations lead you astray…

Real purpose of sex? To fight parasites

2011-07-11T03:51:00.000-07:00

Animals Prefer Sex To Cloning As It Produces Offspring Resistant To Attacks

London: What is the point of sex? Since Charles Darwin’s time, this question has troubled scientists around the world. Not any more.
    Thanks to biologists at the University of Indiana who claim to have discovered that animals reproduce together, rather than cloning themselves, because it helps them to ward off parasites, the Daily Telegraph reported.
    In fact, according to them, the findings support the evolutionary theory that blending of two animals’ genomes creates an offspring with a new genetic code which may make it more resistant to attack.
    The biologists say they may have provided the best evidence yet after engineering two types of worms, some which could only reproduce by mating with each other and some which could only clone themselves.
    After exposing them to a harmful bacteria, worms that reproduced through sex survived fairly well while those that were asexual died rapidly, the researchers said.
    Cross-fertilisation helps creatures stay a step ahead in the continuous “arms race” with parasites, which are forever evolving to try and infect them. Biologists have described the situation as “Running with the Red Queen” in reference to the character in Lewis Carroll’s ‘Through the Looking-Glass’. Despite the popularity of the theory, there has until now been little solid evidence to support it.
    Study co-author Curtis Lively said: “The Red Queen Hypothesis predicts that sex should allow hosts to evade infection from their parasites, whereas self-fertilisation may increase the risk of infection.

If you want to stay trim, say no to diet sodas

2011-07-03T05:39:00.000-07:00

If you want to stay trim, say no to diet sodas

Diet drinks may be a wise choice for those who are health conscious, but a new study says that people who guzzle them tend to get fatter than those who take normal fullsugar fizzy drinks. The 10-year study of almost 500 men and women linked low-calorie soft drinks with bulging waistlines — even when taken in small quantities.
Those who downed two or more diet fizzy drinks a day saw their waistbands expand at five times the rate of those who never touched the stuff, according to researchers at the University of Texas. Prof Helen Hazuda, who led the study, said diet sodas and artificial sweeteners may foster a sweet tooth, distort appetite and even damage key brain cells. So, treating them as healthy alternatives may be “ill advised”. She was quoted by the ‘Daily Mail’ as saying, “They may be free of calories but not of consequences.” For the study, the researchers tracked the health and habits of 474 adults for an average of nine and a half years. They then compared growth in waistline of those who consumed diet drinks with others including some who buy fizzy drinks. Overall, those who favoured diet drinks saw their waists expand 70% faster. But “frequent users” saw a 500% greater increase in girth.

Diary of a single girl

2011-06-19T03:22:00.000-07:00

Diary of a single girl

I never did meet my bestie Sam last week. She called to cancel. “Too lazy to leave the bed” was her excuse. I’d stay at home in bed too if I had a man like K. I feel bad about not meeting her. She’s such a happy soul. I am the opposite. I’m dark and twisty. I don’t know if I was born that way, or became like that. But there is some stuff in my life that I never quite learnt to deal with. I was abused as a child by a neighborhood pervert. I know every fifth girl has gone through that in her growing years, but I still haven’t managed to put that behind me. It changed me. It taught me to mistrust men. Another reason for that being my father, who always cheated on my mom. The poor gullible thing believed all his lies. The late nights, the overnight trips, and always too busy for family – the signs were all there. She just didn’t see it. I couldn’t take it after a point. I had to tell her. I was about 14 at the time. I just blurted out that he was having affairs and she was blind not to see it. I cast the seed of suspicion in her head, and it was a matter of time before she discovered the truth for herself. The fights, the unpleasantness and the bitterness followed. I still don’t know if I did the right thing. Maybe I should’ve let her be happy in her ignorance. I was too naïve -- a child – and saw things in black and white. Perhaps I had no business butting in. Things were never the same between my parents, and I blame myself for that. I would’ve perhaps gotten over my dad cheating on mom. That was not my baggage. But catching my boyfriend of three years in bed with his cousin was a hard blow. He was my first boyfriend at 16. I thought we’d be married at 21. We were soulmates, or so I thought. But when I saw him in bed with another girl, something in me just died in that instant. A door snapped shut. I stopped feeling. He was my world one minute, and the next he meant nothing. He chased me for months afterwards, and begged for forgiveness. I could see he was suffering, and he tried everything to make me take him back, but he didn’t matter anymore. From that day onwards, I knew I was done with love. I don’t think I am capable of loving anyone. Or letting someone love me. I have seen too many farcical marriages (my parents are still together) and relationships to ever believe in happily-ever-after. The ‘L’ word I believe in is lust, not love. In lust, I trust is my motto. It is a pure emotion. It doesn’t disguise itself as something else. My opening line to guys is, “If you fall in love with me, I will run away.” I don’t hate men. Au contraire… it’s just that I’d sooner let a man into my pants, than in my heart.

PERVERT PROFESSOR: HAVE SEX, GET MARKS

2011-06-18T04:04:00.001-07:00

PERVERT PROFESSOR: HAVE SEX, GET MARKS

Alecturer of a reputed Goregaon college in Mumbai asked his 17-year-old student from Class XII to have sex with him, and flooded her with lewd SMSes, to “test her character”.
While Rahul Sarangle, 24, who teaches computer hardware at LS Patkar College of Arts and Science in Goregaon (W), claims he meant no offense, his victim is traumatised after receiving a series of SMSes, some of which read, “You are gonna gimme love...” and “You dnt know how to have sex?” No police complaint has been filed, but college authorities are aware of the incident.
The girl’s ordeal began on June 11, when the results showed she had failed in physics and barely passed computer science. She said, “I sent an SMS to Sarangle sir, asking where did I go wrong. In physics and computer science, 20 and 100 marks respectively are set aside for practical exams. I couldn’t have scored so low. Sarangle sir’s replies shocked me, humiliated and embarrassed me.”
The girl alleges that in a series of SMSes, the lecturer asked her whether she watched porn, and whether she’d had sex. “When I SMSed him back, asking him what he meant by such talk, he replied (sic), ‘Ur nt experienced? but at least kuch idea rahega frm porn’. I deleted the initial few messages, but when they got worse, I decided to expose him,” the girl said.
Sarangle has a reputation of being a livewire on the campus, and communicates with his students on Facebook. In his SMSes to the girl, he boasted of his sexual encounters.
The girl said, “In one message, he talked about sleeping with other students, who later scored good grades. Then he mentions an engineering student from Kandivli, who scored well only because she slept with him.” On another occasion, Sarangle messaged the girl saying a student had sex with him because “she loves me and my teaching style, and I made her a topper in the engineering stream,” the victim alleged.
Sarangle was totally unfazed by the allegations; in fact, he didn’t even deny them. He said, “I just wanted to test her character. I had heard she was a good student, and was shocked at her low grades.” He even went on to say that he will “convince” his colleagues about the girl’s character. “Now, I am assured. I can convince other professors that she is a good girl, and she might get the necessary marks in subjects that she flunked,” he said.
The lecturer’s victim said she will not rest till he is punished. “Just imagine my horror – a lecturer talking dirty to me. I have decided to expose him. He is a blot on the education system and should be thrown out of the college. I approached a senior lecturer, and told him everything. But I couldn’t meet the principal,” she said.
The senior lecturer, whose name is being withheld, washed his hands off the incident. “The girl did talk to me about the SMSes, but I told her to speak to the principal. I have nothing to do with all this,” he said.
The college reopens today. MB Kekare, principal, LS Patkar College of Arts and Science said, “I am shocked, can’t believe a lecturer from my college would stoop so low. A committee will investigate the allegations, the college management will take a call on the lecturer. We may suspend him. There are 6,000 students on the campus, and 200 professors. I don’t know Sarangle, but it’s a question of our credibility, and we will take appropriate action against him.”

Men with flashy cars good for dates, not marriage?

2011-06-18T03:14:00.000-07:00

Men with flashy cars good for dates, not marriage?

London: Having flashy sports cars may get you an easy date, but they can’t buy you a life partner, as women don’t see such expensive items as good marriage material, a new study has suggested. A team of researchers from Texas and Minnesota, who surveyed nearly 1,000 people to find out the signals sent out by spending behaviour, found that men use spending on luxury items as a short-term mating signal.
But, women don’t spend to attract the opposite sex, found the study, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. According to the study, women also find a man — who chose to buy flashy and expensive products like a Porsche car — more desirable than those who buy a non-luxury item like a Honda Civic. However, they are aware of a man’s intentions in acting this way and find the man with a Porsche less desirable as a marriage partner than as a date.

5 Things a man will never tell you...

2011-06-05T03:21:00.000-07:00

5 Things a man will never tell you...

Read on to know some of your boyfriend’s best-kept secrets

There are somethings that a man will never tell you. But these things would help you understand your partner better and improve your relationship. Read on to know a few of his secrets...

• We want you to like our friends, but not love them: A man would want his girlfriend to get along with his friends, but he may not like you hanging out with them all the time. Also, don’t make statements professing your love for his friends.

• We don’t like it when you go gaga over anyone else: Be it Brad Pitt or Salman Khan, we don’t like it when you drool over their bulging biceps or six-pack abs. Don’t be surprised if we start praising Jessica Alba or Katrina Kaif out of the blue.

• We worry that you will find someone better: It’s not just women who worry about losing their guy to some hotter chick, even men suffer from pangs of insecurity. Just that they are better at hiding it than most women.

• We don’t cuddle hoping for sex... well not always: It’s not just women who like to just hold hands or relax in her partners’ arm. A guy will never admit to this but he loves cuddling too. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have naughty things on his mind, but there are some exceptions to the rule.

• Don’t expect us to tell you what we do on a boys’ night out: Whether it’s girls, sports, cars or bikes, don’t expect a guy to reveal any of the things that he has discussed with his buddies. It’s probably better that way!

Seeing red: it makes people react faster

2011-06-05T03:01:00.001-07:00

Seeing red: it makes people react faster

People react faster and more forcefully when they see red colour, says a study.
    “Red enhances our physical reactions because it is seen as a danger cue,” explained study co-author Andrew Elliot, professor of psychology at the University of Rochester.
    “Humans flush when they are angry or preparing for attack. People are acutely aware of such reddening in others and its implications.”
    The intensifying effect of red may have applications for sporting and other activities in which a brief burst of strength and speed is needed. But the authors caution that the colour energy boost is likely to be short-lived.
    The study found that when humans see red, their reactions become both faster and more forceful. And people were unaware of the colour’s intensifying effect, reports the journal Emotion.
    But the threat is a double-edged sword, argued Elliot and co-author Henk Aarts, professor of psychology at Utrecht University, the Netherlands. Along with mobilizing extra energy, “threat also evokes worry, task distraction and self-preoccupation, all of which have been shown to tax mental resources”, they wrote.
    In earlier colour research, exposure to red proved counterproductive for skilled motor and mental tasks: athletes competing against an opponent wearing red were more likely to lose and students exposed to red before a test performed worse.
    The study measured the reactions of students in two experiments. In the first, 30 fourth-through-10th graders pinched and held open a metal clasp. Right before doing so, they read aloud their participant number written in either red or grey crayon.
    In the second experiment, 46 undergraduates squeezed a handgrip with their dominant hand as hard as possible when they read the word “squeeze” on a computer monitor. The word appeared on a red, blue or grey background.
    In both the scenarios, red significantly increased the force exerted, with participants in the red condition squeezing with greater maximum force than those in the grey or blue conditions.

AM I A CHEATER?

2011-05-31T01:29:00.001-07:00

AM I A CHEATER?

At times, it is natural to be attracted to someone else and then cheat on your partner. Though cheating is not acceptable, you may want to give him a chance if it has happened for the first time. But if you are willing to forgive your partner and give him another chance, here a few things that you should keep in mind so that you don’t scar your relationship again.
SORT YOUR MIND: Before starting the second phase of your relationship, calculate the reasons why you are willing to take the risk. Clinical psychologist Mansi Hassan says, “Be clear as to why you want this relationship. If it’s just because you feel you can’t get better than him, that’s no reason to give a second chance. Does the person who has cheated on you also want to make an effort for the same? Only after sorting out these confusions, can you assess if it’s worth it.”
ASSESS OBJECTIVELY: It’s important to do a reality check before giving another chance. Clinical psychologist and psychotherapist Anjali Chhabria says, “Be objective and assess if the cheating was ‘accidental’ or if it’s a personality flaw of your partner. You need a sufficient span of time because if someone has cheated regularly, he might do it again. Evaluate before you decide.”
DON’T DOUBT YOUR DECISION: Once you’re determined to work it out with him, have patience. Chhabria says “You should work on strengthening the flaws in your relationship”. Hassan adds that you should be vigilant and not suspect him or just because of your insecurity.

Alpha adulteress: Powerful women willing to have flings

2011-05-24T01:08:00.001-07:00

Alpha adulteress: Powerful women willing to have flings

London: A new survey has found that high-earning, successful women are every bit as willing as their male counterparts to use their power to attract younger lovers for quick flings.
A new academic study has suggested that women are inherently no more virtuous than men. It’s just that, in the past, they have lacked confidence or opportunity to stray.
Like men, women are finding that power is a potent aphrodisiac, and they are giving in to the thrill of illicit lunchtime assignations and the sheer excitement that accompanies their transgression.
Nor do they feel any more guilty or ashamed about it than a man would.
Joris Lammers of Tilburg University in the Netherlands, who conducted an anonymous survey of more than 1,500 readers of a business magazine, found being powerful makes women more prone to be unfaithful.
He questioned people, from top corporate executives to ordinary employees, about whether they had had affairs.
They were asked how powerful they thought they were and quizzed on other factors including their feelings of confidence, and what they thought their risk of being caught was.
The results showed a link between power and infidelity, regardless of gender. “The strongest predictors are not moral belief, but power and opportunity,” Lammers said.
“Power can undermine your morality and increase your risk-taking, and the effect of power on women is just as strong as on men.” ANI
Why successful men have affairs: It’s the need to ‘top up’ testosterone
Why are today’s men having an affair at the back of their wives, fiancee or girlfriends? According to one of the world’s best-selling psychologists, powerful men have higher than average levels of testosterone, which they seek to ‘top up’ when their reserves become depleted. One way they do that is to have an affair. Dr John Gray, author of ‘Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus’, has claimed that the gulfs in understanding that divide men from women are being exacerbated by hormones, which are working against people achieving monogamy in a stressful world.

Value of happy marriage Earning $100,000 a year

2011-05-21T04:15:00.001-07:00

Value of happy marriage Earning $100,000 a year

What is the emotional value of a happy marriage Well,it may be equivalent to earning $100,000 a year,says a new book.Author David Brooks,whose latest book Social Animal explores the importance of things that go on below our conscious awareness,calculated the psychic benefit of a long marriage at $100,000 a year.
According to Brooks,couples in long-term and stable marriages are significantly more content than those who are unmarried.Marriage is tremendously important, he said.
We think of ourselves as rational individuals who are driven by economic motives,but in fact we are social individuals,driven by the need for relationships.
According to Brooks,relationships are more important than money and students should take study courses about who they might marry.
Joining a club that meets once a month produces the same happiness gain as doubling your income, he said.
The journalist with the New York Times pointed out that peoples emotions are strongly influenced by their surroundings but that it is possible to control them.
We have the power to educate our emotions.The art and music we listen to affects our emotions.By changing our environment we change our mind, he said.

Your mans actions can sometimes tell you if its time to end the relationship

2011-05-21T04:14:00.000-07:00

Your mans actions can sometimes tell you if its time to end the relationship

You may think that you have found the man of your dreams,but make sure you havent fallen for his superficial charm.If hes acting strange or indifferent,maybe it is time to call it quits.Here are a few tips to help you find out if you should dump him and continue your search for the right man.

HE LIES ALL THE TIME,AND GETS CAUGHT!

Not only does he make up stories about everything,he isnt even smart enough to do a good cover-up job in front of you.My friends boyfriend would keep telling her that he was busy working late,while another friend of mine would tell me about how the entire office gang would go out bowling.A few days later he would be heard bragging about his score over the phone, reveals Manisha Joshi,a banker.

PUTS YOU DOWN IN FRONT OF HIS FRIENDS

Its different to take you aside if you goof up in front of your boyfriends friends or parents,but its absoluetly not done if your man keeps cracking jokes at your expense throughout the evening and embarrassing you.If you feel that your boyfriend doesnt value your self esteem or doesnt respect you,then he probably doesnt deserve you at all.

TRIES TO KEEP TRACK OF YOUR MOVEMENTS

All girls love a bit of a possessive streak in their boyfriends,however,when the guy starts making unreasonable demands,you should definitely be cautious.Its all right if he wants to know where you are,but you should be worried when he starts keeping track of every minute that youve spent away from him and starts asking for an explanation.This kind of possessiveness may actually give you more grief than happiness,so dump him immediately.

OGLES AT HOT CHICKS AND IS NOT DISCREET ABOUT IT AT ALL

Its not exactly a secret that men cant stop themselves from looking at women.And we all know that men check out women everywhere they go.However,that doesnt give your guy the right to lech at every woman passing by even when he has one arm around your shoulder.

ALL HIS GIFTS COME FROM THE 99 STORE

It could be bad taste or just the fact that your man doesnt want to spend on you,that could be leading him to gift you bad stuff.But if he doesnt care enough to know about your likes and dislikes,and once in a while cant spend some money on you,then youre probably wasting your time on him.You certainly deserve someone better than that.

Myth busted: Men are the real shopaholics

2011-05-18T07:09:00.001-07:00

Myth busted: Men are the real shopaholics

London: Women are often stereotyped as materialistic shopaholics,but the truth is that its the men who spend more on impulse buys,a new research has found.
The poll of 2,000 people by British firm Npower found that men in UK regularly shell out an average of 25 a week on items they bought on a whim,while women spend close to 19 per week.
Food,beer and DVDs are the most common treats for men while clothes,magazines and wine topped the list for women along with books,shoes and toiletries.
The survey also found that over a typical adult lifetime around 70,217.28 will be frittered away purely to satisfy the overwhelming urge to shop.
Triggers such as receiving birthday money,coming into an unexpected windfall such as cash back from a company,or a small win on the lottery often result in spur of the moment purchases,the poll found.
The survey,however,found that men are little better than women at resisting their temptation to shop.
Six out of ten women said they regularly give in to temptation if there is a sale on,while only four out of ten men said the same thing

EVERY WOMAN KNOWS HOW MEN THINK

2011-05-15T02:05:00.000-07:00

EVERY WOMAN KNOWS HOW MEN THINK

… Says filmmaker Rohan Sippy, as he gives his take on his item song controversy, the Indian film industry and what he thinks of being Ramesh Sippy’s son

“Dum Maaro Dum” rattled even the state government… I think for whatever reason, everything got blown up, and the government or anyone else, for that matter, haven’t seen the film, so they had formed the impression of the film over hearsay and just the promotional material, and not the film. There was a women’s organization that had objection to the “Yahan sharab sasti hai” line and that was changed, so that was all. Definitely, the intention was not to make a docu-drama. It was to finally just make a good Hindi film, upgrade it a little bit – in terms of making it in a new setting – using techniques that’ll make you feel you’re there.
But then, there were objections. You know, I’ve started thinking of India as being more of a continent than a country. There are 1.2 billion people, so many diverse communities, and it’s obviously going to be difficult to get everything right for everyone. So, I think on the one hand, the Central Board is in a difficult position, I think they are being fairly responsible these days – they don’t demand unnecessary cuts, and give ‘A’ certificates. They don’t want to censor things anymore, just give the right certification, as a guideline for the audience. This is a very mature approach. We were happy to submit the scripts and we went ahead and shot the film, obviously with all the requisite permissions – and there was absolutely nothing that we were hiding.
So, you agree to whatever the CBFC
suggests? See, how it has been set up is that the chief alone can’t alter the guidelines, and it all works on a pre-set procedure. But at the same time, with the amount of corporate bodies that have been set up in the film industry, we also have a duty– like other companies have of ratings agencies, stepping up the forefront to help out on this, and either put in voluntary guidelines – like saying we will also put up a rating side by side or something, like that where we can also take up part ownership. We can’t always look at just the government to make things work – because there is so much going on, that some kind of self regulation also has to be there – which is how it’s done everywhere in the world, so I don’t think why we can’t. Earlier, there were only independent producers, but now, mostly it is corporates, and things are on a merger phase in the industry where film studios are making more and more films – and we can look to them to start putting that mechanism in motion and send out the right signals that we are also trying to give consumers information. There are certain national laws that you have to abide by, and the government can take care of that.
The behind the camera scene has seen so much of an age divide in the industry. Is it good for the industry? On a larger format, it is the plurality of it all that is good. The fact that one doesn’t have to wait for a single film to deliver at the Box Office every year – the niche cinemas are doing their bit, there are fresh films and there are the biggies too. It does well for the industry to keep rolling like this. In the same year you had a “Band Baaja Baaraat”, you also had an “Udaan” and a “Dabangg”. It’s wonderful to see that there’s room for all of this to co-exist. But of course, on an individual level, all finally comes down to your conviction and the scripts that grab you.
So, the baton has been passed on successfully… Still, in the industry, the big commercial successes will be the Dabanggs, and the Three Idiots which are very much designed or intentioned to play out to a very wide audience.
It really comes down to so many factors at the end of the day – filmmakers like Anurag Kashyap have created a niche for themselves, but the real breakthrough will come when their films put up numbers that suddenly grab you, because they compete with the big ones out there. Then, everyone will be sitting up and taking notice. The films are doing fine and they’ve gotten on, but once they begin to garner a 40 crore figure, then, wow!
You’ve had to live in the shadow of the Sippy who made “Sholay”. Do you feel any sort of burden? Not at all. If anything, he, my dad, should feel the heaviness, because I am standing on his shoulders. It has been a privilege to be his son. I got my opportunity to be a filmmaker because of him. The genuine truth is that – it’s wrong to call it competition – but for the want of a better word, the competition around me all the time is to try and be as good as the filmmakers who make films in the weeks around you, in the months and years around you. You try to be the best, so that people appreciate your work.
Did he also, like you, succumb to the item number? Me, succumb? I love it. If it can be put into the right place and can somehow further the narrative in whatever form it does, it’s fantastic.When we decided on it,I was very keen to do it, because I thought it’s a great opportunity. I love the fact that music is so integral to our films and I thought this is one chance in our films to do this thing because we’re doing a thriller with all grittiness and gore and this is one chance to have that – jo purane zamane mein hota tha – relief. You get that break – there’s this beautiful girl dancing, there’s the music, I loved it.
But the lyrics about the item, “Mit Jaaye Gham” had been debated about since it was first aired… I intended it to be like that. Is it that dirty? Haven’t we moved beyond all that – like getting PILs for kisses, et al? In “Band Baaja Baaraat” there was a lovely kiss and nobody had an issue. It was handled nicely. Anyway, obviously everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I loved the lyrics. It summed up the attitude I was looking for in the film and I genuinely think one of the reasons it has upset certain quadrant is because we’re comfortable while we’re looking at women as sex objects, we’ve a great amount of unease when she will tell it like it is. I mean, I think that’s really the problem. Here, she’s not playing a role, but were she to do that with lyrics that go, ‘You can’t touch me, but look at me’… what are we trying to say there? Those are great lyrics, waah! We’ve really uplifted women with lyrics like that!
Here, when she says it, and mind you, every woman knows how men think and that is exactly what they are thinking, and no man can deny that. In the bigger picture – this song is the anti-thesis of the movie.
What else? Plans, things you do when not making movies… I am married and have several pets, large dogs, too. I hang out with my friends, who’re mostly from the business I do. We just keep thinking about making films if we’re not making them already. It’s a bit like counting frogs – you get 70, 80 or 99 of them together and one slips out and you’re back to where you started. So, there are lots of films that feel good at the idea stage, and for some reason or the other, you can’t make them into films, but you spend most of the time counting frogs. My wife is part of all this too.

Know your man!

2011-05-15T02:01:00.000-07:00

Know your man!

    SO you thought you had the men all figured out? A recent survey conducted by AC Nielsen in the four metros of Mumbai, Delhi, Bangalore, and Kolkata, might reveal that you know squat!
Weigh your options! Here’s one for starters. If you’ve been slaving and sweating it out in the gym, chances of your man noticing the new svelte you is rather slim. Makes you want to tear your multi-coloured strands out? Hold it. The survey says that 92% of Indian men notice the difference when their wives colour their hair in comparison to if their wives lose weight. And here we were, thinking men were colour blind, but figure wise!
    “Yes, change of hair colour brings immediate response as it stands out,” agrees Srinivas Murthy, an IT professional.
    Aparna Gupta, an advertising executive, however, refuses to buy this. “If the weight loss is significant, my husband’s always the first to notice. When I gain weight, it doesn’t escape him, and what I lose subsequently, he’s quick to appreciate.”
Drama queen! Another startling fact is that as many as 76% of Indian women feel that they need to do something dramatic to get noticed. “I think that should be more than 76%,” laments 24-year-old Poornima Menon, brand manager. “Most women are taken for granted. Something dramatic has to happen for men to take note. Maybe even having a breakdown, or falling seriously ill.”
    Software engineer Vikram Mullick prefers to play it safe. “If the weight loss is considerable, then for sure, it’ll get our attention and admiration. But a new hair colour is more in-your — face, and, therefore, screaming to be noticed,”he says.
Roving eyes! Another very feminine peeve is that a large number of Indian women believe that men notice changes in appearance of their female colleagues and friends’ wives, while ignoring their own wives. Avid blogger Ashita Joshi of usedandamused .com fame says, “Much as it’s a depressing thought, I’d go with this observation.”
    Freelance photographer Mahesh Vasvani, explains, “When it comes to female colleagues at work or close female friends we subconsciously want to be in their good books. We know that complimenting them on a pair of earrings or a new hair colour will contribute towards a sense of bonhomie at the workplace.” He adds, “I can even cite a recent example when my girlfriend threw a fit when I forgot to compliment her on her new dress. She lost it because apparently I’d praised a similar dress that a common friend of ours had worn just two days earlier!”
    Blame it all on familiarity, says Sudip Ghosh, a media professional. “Your eyes get used to seeing your partner. It’s like how you yourself never realise that you are ageing. When you run a household together, you don’t quite look into each other’s eyes.”
    Madhuri Prasad, a young marketing executive, begs to differ. “I’ve never felt that my husband pays more attention to other women. That having been said, yes, he sure notices them, and sometimes has details even I tend to miss!”
If you’ve the looks! Indian women in metros are constantly under pressure to look good. Could this be true? “Vain as it sounds; it probably is,” says Ashita. “One has to keep up!”
    Talking of keeping up, the survey states that women dress well and experiment with their hair to get compliments.
    Poornima chimes in, “I think this has less to do with wanting compliments and more to do with the fact they’ve easier access to brands, good clothes, hair salons, and make-up in general.”
    Ashita says dressing well has its own payoffs. “ I recently experimented with a fringe for the first time ever, and friends felt it dropped years from my appearance!”
    Ritika Chopra, an e-learning consultant, takes a philosophical view. “As a culture, we women are taught to stand last in the queue. Our need for love and acceptance is quite high. That’s why the need to constantly change appearances to ‘look better’ in the eyes of our partner, kids, husbands, but certainly not ourselves.”
‘I’ for inspiration Are husbands/children the biggest inspiration for women to look good?
    Chennai-based advertising professional Saumya Sivashankar, says, “I think women are inspired to look good for the opposite sex as well as the same sex. Opposite sex for the admiring glances, and the same sex for the tinged-with-envy looks.”
    “I would say I myself am my biggest inspiration to look good. Second would be my mother-in-law and third would be workplace / friends,” Madhuri avers.
    'Wives take their husbands for granted, so unless he’s footing the makeover bill, spouses are rarely the inspiration. I think children are more an inspiration to look good. Even though I’m single, I’m aware of this as I've been home tutoring school kids for four years now. The kids notice every single detail, and flatter you far more than anyone else. They even want you dressed well for their birthday bashes so that they can show you off ”
    Ending off on a practical note, Srinivas says, “When women see a friend who looks super pretty on Facebook or Twitter, they feel inspired to showcase themselves better. No one inspires or eggs on a woman more than another woman!”
Men and Women
76% Indian women feel that their family and partner do not notice their appearance. They feel they need to do something dramatic to get noticed.
78% Indian women believe that men notice changes in appearance of their female colleagues and friends’ wives not so much for their own wives.
Indian women in metros are constantly under pressure to look good.
79% Indian women believe they get a lot of compliments from their spouse and friends when they experiment with their appearance, especially with their hair colour.
92% Indian men notice the difference when their wives colour their hair in comparison to if their wives lose weight!
Husband / children are the biggest inspiration to look good.

The scent of a man

2011-05-14T02:32:00.000-07:00

The scent of a man

Spanish jewellery brand, TOUS, recently announced the unveiling of their new fragrance, TOUS Man Sport and TOUS Touch in India, in the presence of supermodel, David Miller, who has been signed as the global brand ambassador of TOUS Man Sport.
Started in 1920, TOUS is globally famous for their unique style of jewellery and a variety of accessories ranging from fragrances, handbags, watches, vision, textile, leather goods and a special collection for the home. TOUS today, has a presence in over 400 stores spread across 45 countries. The brand owes its success to the absolute freshness of its product offerings and its unique ability to understand trends in design and style that have enabled TOUS to expand rapidly in the global market. Celebrities like Kylie Minogue and Jennifer Lopez have also endorsed TOUS.
TOUS Man Sport and TOUCH Touch was unveiled by David at Olive Beach at an event hosted by Ramola Bachchan. Speaking on the occasion, David said, “I really liked the colour and shape of the bottle. The fragrance too suits me and I am positive that the Indian men will also relate with the fragrance.”
TOUS Man Sport is being introduced in India by Beauty Concepts Pvt Ltd. TOUS Touch is priced at 3850 (100 ml ) and TOUS Man Sport at 3100 (100 ml).

During orgasm, part of woman’s brain turns off

2011-05-14T02:24:00.001-07:00

During orgasm, part of woman’s brain turns off

London: Dutch researchers have unraveled the secrets behind female orgasms. They discovered that the female orgasm leads to an altered state of consciousness, a finding that could help find a way to a cure for women who cannot climax.
While examining the brain scans of women taken while they orgasmed, lead researcher Janniko Georgiadis at the University of Groningen and his team found that a part of the brain called the orbitofrontal cortex (OFC) actually ‘switches off’ when a woman climaxed. Georgiadis said the OFC may be the basis for ‘sexual control’, and that by ‘letting go’ women can induce orgasm.
“I don’t think orgasm turns off consciousness but it changes it. When you ask people how they perceive their orgasm, they describe a feeling of a loss of control,” the Daily Mail quoted him as telling New Scientist. “I’m not sure if this altered state is necessary to achieve more pleasure or is just some side effect,” he added.
To create the scans, the researchers strapped the women into an MRI scanner and then allowed their partners to pleasure them to orgasm, all the while taking snapshots of their brain activity.
It is hoped that by comparing the brain scans of women having an orgasm with those who cannot, scientists will be able to ‘coach’ those with anorgasmia into truly ‘’letting go’’.
By allowing women with anorgasmia to watch their brain activity, they to will be able to “train” their brain to copy the same activity of women who can experince orgasm.

ONE-SIDED RELATIONSHIPS ARE POINTLESS

2011-05-09T03:28:00.001-07:00

ONE-SIDED RELATIONSHIPS ARE POINTLESS

It seems that love is the cause of enormous amounts of both, happiness and pain. It’s so heady when eyes and hearts lock, and bodies and souls merge as one... and then there are those that fall in love from afar. They wistfully stare, dream, hope, but dare not, or cannot, make the relationship a reality. And then there are those that manage with the sheer power of their love and efforts to bring the object of their love into their lives, but it is simply not reciprocated in the manner they desire. Either that person manipulates them and their affections for financial gain or physical pleasure, or it’s just a one-way street of effort and care. There are a lot of people out there who feel ‘true love’ is about giving, not getting. That there should be no demands or expectations of return from that person. A noble thought indeed, but personally, I think it’s pointless getting into a onesided relationship. When there are an ocean of people out there that will reciprocate your emotions and affections why would you want to be with someone that thinks you’re not the best? Are you deluding yourself with “pure love” fantasies, when actually, the issue is about self worth? Don’t you deserve to be with someone that will love you back. I say, chuck it up at the first sign of exploitation. Sooner or later when they meet someone that actually makes their heart beat, your castles in the sky will come crashing down. Of course, there’s the pain of rejection and heartbreak but treat it as a blessing and instead of wallowing in self pity go out there and get the reciprocity you deserve.
I have loved a girl since we were in class eight. We have been talking, but very randomly. I still feel the same for her, but just cannot gather enough courage to reveal my feelings. I wish her on every birthday, but I do not know if she loves me. I don’t want to lose her. What do I do?
Well, it doesn’t hurt to try, does it? Just ask her out for a coffee. If she appears taken aback or shy make her feel more comfortable by stating you need her thoughts on a certain matter as she comes across as a sensible and intelligent girl. If she’s even little inclined towards you she will accept. By the way, ensure you present a problem for which she is able to give you a solution. It will make her feel she’s been useful and a part of your life’s choices. It also then opens up the channels for more “thank you” coffees.
I am in love with a girl, who is not from my community, and for that reason we decided to part ways. After about four months, I decided to get engaged to the girl of my parents’ choice. Even though I try talking to her, I just cannot feel comfortable around her and can’t communicate the way I used to with my girlfriend. I cannot call off the engagement since there are two families involved, but on the other hand I cannot stop thinking about my ex.
Don’t call off the engagement, just delay the marriage! Use the time to find ways to bond with your fiance through sport, hobbies, movies, dance classes etc. Despite best efforts, if she’s absolutely not your type, there’s no point committing your entire life to a lacklustre marriage. It’s not fair to her either. You must summon the courage to tell your parents you are open to meeting others from your community, but this girl is for you. Yes, there will be familial dramas, but look beyond the short term chaos, and at the long term benefits.
I am 31-year-old man. I met a girl two years back and wanted to get involved with her seriously. She was ready too, but because of my financial condition I did not tell her that I love her. I told her the truth on a piece of paper a month after Valentine’s Day so that she could think about the whole relationship. She got angry and filed a police complaint. I wanted to ask her why she did it? I am now financially strong, but do not know whether I should go back to her or take revenge?
Ok! So she flirted with you and was expecting love and romance on Valentine’s Day. However, since you didn’t rise to the occasion, she took you to the cops because your declaration of love came a month late! Wow! She’s on some crazy rejected, egoistical trip. Now that you’re financially strong, go out there and find someone who respects your affections and make it a fairytale romance. They say success is the best form of revenge.
I am a 32-year-old man, married for the last seven years. Before that I was in a relationship for seven years with a classmate of mine. But we never came out in public. After seven years she got engaged to another classmate. When I went to her place to ask her she told me that I was like a a brother to her. I could not believe her reaction. I have still not been able to overcome this.
Wow! You held onto the end of a seven-year relationship for seven full years? Maybe what she meant was that the passion had died, and the magic of the relationship had faded into a comfortable, almost familial space. Perhaps she was too young and her choice of words were wrong, because unless she’s incestuous, there is no sound reason for such an analogy. Humour is tragedy in hindsight. I’m sure if you were to bump into her now, you’d both have a good laugh over the comment. It’s water under the bridge. Move on.

A 3-track mind? Food, sleep...sex

2011-05-07T23:21:00.000-07:00

A 3-track mind? Food, sleep...sex

London: Who says men have a one-track mind? Blokes don't just have sex on the brain -- they also think about sleep and food, says a new study.
In fact, men think about all three more often than women do, according to the study carried out by Prof Terri Fisher, a psychologist at the Ohio State University in the US, the ‘Daily Mail’ reported.
She asked 163 students – male and female – to carry around a chart and mark it every time they thought about sex, food or sleep. The numbers varied widely, from one student who only recorded one sexual thought a day to a male who wrote down 388 in 24 hours. But on an average, men thought about food and sleep more often than they thought about sex. And they thought about all three more often than women did.
Fisher said: "Men are more aware of need-related states such as being hungry or tired or sexually aroused, and focus on those. They are also better at detecting these states in themselves than women and more willing to express their thoughts."
She added that even the student who thought about sex 388 times a day was only thinking about it every 158 seconds – far fewer than the “every seven seconds” that myth would suggest. “When people hear about some of these differences, I think sometimes they don’t question it because it fits the stereotypes we have of men and women. When you stop and take a closer look at origins of some of these alleged differences, they sometimes have no empirical support,”

There’s more to skirting an issue than meets the eye

2011-05-07T23:19:00.001-07:00

There’s more to skirting an issue than meets the eye

Washington: How can some people skirt a question without answering it, yet satisfy their listeners?
A study says that people typically judge a speaker to form an opinion, which can make them susceptible to dodges. Limited attention capacity is another reason people fall for dodges, said the authors, citing a study in which people counting basketball passes failed to notice a man in a gorilla suit, the Journal of Experimental Psychology: Applied reports.
Dodge detection greatly increased when listeners were directed to focus on the relevance of speakers’ answers, or if the text of the correct question was visible to the listeners as the speaker responded.
The ability to recognize a dodge more than doubled, from 39% without the text to 88% with the text. “Given concerns that voters are uninformed or misinformed and the many calls for increased education of voters... these results suggest that very simple interventions can dramatically help voters focus on the substance of politicians’ answers rather than their personal style,” said study authors Todd Rogers and Michael I Norton, both of Harvard University.
The researchers conducted four different experiments with four separate groups of people totalling 1,139 men and women with an average age of 44, according to a Harvard statement.
In three of the studies, participants watched a video of a mock political debate and then responded to an online survey. In the fourth study, participants listened to excerpts of a recording of a mock political debate and then responded to questions.
The results indicated that people are frequently unable to remember an initial question if a speaker answers a similar question.
Moreover, listeners rated speakers who answered a similar question just as positively as those who answered the correct question. Listeners had the most negative reactions if speakers answered blatantly different questions or if they fumbled their words even while answering the correct question.
But dodges aren’t always bad, the authors noted, “such as when someone asks co-workers for their opinion on a new outfit”.
Still, results suggest that in many cases, dodges cause sought-after and relevant information to go unspoken, with little awareness and few consequences, the authors said.

What men want: sexy feet, heavier women

2011-05-01T02:08:00.000-07:00

What men want: sexy feet, heavier women

London: Straight men prefer heavier women to thinner females and find feet erotic, according to a surprising survey of online searches.
Scientists have finally got a grip on our deepest sexual desires, by looking at what people type into Google. They have examined one billion online sex-related searches from around the world to find out what users click on when no one else is looking.
The findings have been published in a book called ‘A Billion Wicked Thoughts’, co-authored by Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam, the Daily Mail reports. The pair hope it will prove there is no such thing as sexual deviance as almost nothing is seen as out of bounds.
The survey is so vast it is viewed by many experts as the most complete analysis of human sexual desires. Among the findings are the fact that straight men prefer heavier women to thinner ones and find feet erotic. They also enjoy a wide variety of erotic images, including bizarrely, both elderly women and transsexuals. Meanwhile, straight women enjoy reading about and watching romances between two men, but only when the focus is on emotion and not sex.
Surprisingly, search engine results from Dogpile, which provided the search data from Google, Yahoo! and Bing, said almost 80% of internet searches were made up of 20 interests, ranging from youth, to cheerleaders. Ogas said: “Sex therapists haven’t known which interests are common and which are rare.”
The top 10 sex-related searches are youth (13.5%); gay (4.7%); MILFs (4.3%); breasts (4%); cheating wives (3.4%); vaginas (2.8%), penises (2.4%), butts (0.9%) and cheerleaders (0.1%).
Experts think because porn is so readily available on the internet, it may be helping human desire evolve as billions of men and women log-on more and more. Prior to the internet boom, there were less than 90 porn magazines but now an estimated 2.5 million porn sites have been blocked.

Barcelona bans bikinis on streets

2011-05-01T02:04:00.000-07:00

Barcelona bans bikinis on streets

Barcelona: Tourists in Barcelona who wander off the beach onto the streets in just their swimming costumes — or even less — will now face stiff fines.
The city hall voted to ban “nudity or virtual nudity in public places” and limit swimming costumes to swimming pools, beaches, adjacent roads and beach walks. Nudists who stray off their designated areas of the beach will be subject to fines of 300 to 500 euros.
Those who wander into the streets in bikinis, swimming trunks or swimsuits face fines of 120 to 300 euros.
Authorities in the city, where the port and the beach areas are adjacent to the historic old town, earlier this year put up posters discouraging such behaviour. They showed a couple in swimming costumes with a red line across it next to another couple dressed normally but without the red line.
With the new regulations, city authorities hope to “ensure coexistence between citizens in public areas,” but denied that they are “telling people how they should dress”

From watching porn to indulging in sex toys, women are open about indulging their sexuality.

2011-04-24T01:19:00.000-07:00

From watching porn to indulging in sex toys, women are open about indulging their sexuality.

Thirty-five-year old Kanishka Verma is home alone in a posh locality of the IT hub, Bangalore. As she treats herself to juicy red strawberries and dark chocolates, she surfs porn for a few hours to reach a sexual peak.
A bunch of college-going girls borrows adult video tapes from their male classmates and feast themselves to the titillating content behind the closed doors of a Delhi hostel.
Bored of card games and gossip, a gathering of housewives giggle and scream as they screen porn films during a kitty party in a western suburb of Mumbai.
In a dimly-lit apartment of South Mumbai, scores of middle-aged women live out their fantasies by treating themselves to handsome, brawny and irresistible male strippers gyrating on strip poles. Sex toys and dildos exchange hands rapidly among these women and they act on it with their clothes on.
THE word is out. Porn is no longer a man’s domain. Going beyond the Barbies and Mills ; Boon, it is a swift change tomaturity for women; from the innocence of holding hands to orgasm, condoms, dildos and craving for male strippers. If men can indulge their natural instincts, why should women remain deprived? Confirms Mumbai-based sexologist Prakash Kothari, “I do get requests for dildos and vibrators for parties hosted by women.” Adds Zak, a model, “Women can do the kinkiest of stuff. My girlfriend uses sex toys right in front of me.”
Recently, 54-year-old Hollywood actress Kim Catrall admitted to watching several adult videos to prepare for her role as an ageing ex-porn star in her new movie, Meet Monica Velour. Back home, Bollywood’s demure method actor V i d y a B a l a n , preparing to play southern sexy siren Silk Smitha in Ekta Kapoor’s The Dirty Picture,
m a i n t a i n e d , “Porn is more a guy thing.”
Not anymore. Women are as interested in sex as men are, say experts. Though many still believe that porn is degrading to women, a large percentage now believes otherwise. Says Kanishka, “I am investing time on my body and health. I don’t feel guilty anymore. In fact, these days I follow a diet that arouses me more to watch porn.”
Says clinical psychologist Anjali Chhabria, “Watching porn is normal. Married couples watch porn to spice their sex lives. Many women are found watching adult videos for fun and pleasure.”
Young female professionals in metros strongly believe that porn is not just the privilege of boys. Asserts Shivani Bali, a Delhi-based public relations professional, who lives as a paying guest, “We have the same desires as men. I watch porn with my female roommates and have friends who watch it with their boyfriends. Our society considers sex a natural instinct for men but not for women.”
A liberated, open society, an all-round empowerment of women and easy access to porn are all perhaps responsible for more women today reaching out for stimulation. Says psychiatrist Harish Shetty, “The frequency of watching porn is more among teens and middle-aged women.”
As the general belief goes, when it comes to the act of love-making, women appreciate romance whereas men look for performance. “Women fantasise a lot. Just recalling an episode is enough for her to get aroused. For men, porn is more therapeutic.”
Says psychiatrist Rukshuda Sayed, “Women prefer to read, rather than watch p o r n og rap hy. Women need more erotica, soft porn. They find the hardcore act mechanical and carnal.”
Supriya Menon, a Delhibased brand manager, confirms this. When in college, Supriya and her friends borrowed a few videos from their male classmates. “The parts that told a story and had romance and foreplay kept us engaged. The actual act of 15 minutes was quite boring and mechanical.” Says Damini, a Delhi-based fashion designer, “I would like to watch porn with my boyfriend to be more creative during lovemaking.”
Pornography can be liberating for women who are sexually confident, but can create performance anxiety for others. Porn addiction has ruined relationships and marriages when it’s taken too far. Most women don’t mind walking the wild side occasionally. However, they still look for a meaningful connection with their partner.

Cheated on the girl friend ? Spill all online

2011-04-24T01:11:00.000-07:00

Cheated on the girl friend ? Spill all online
People are now using the internet to make confessions

Have you cheated on your girlfriend? Or cheated on your diet? If you’re sick of feeling guilty, and yet don’t want to confess your sins to the concerned party – then getting online might be a good option. Various websites are ready to soak in your guilt and allow you to remain anonymous. According to a recent report, more netizens than ever are using these confessionals.
NOT JUDGMENTAL
The biggest fear that most people have is that someone will label them for their mistakes. Of course, this doesn’t justify the mistake, but most people who confess online use this excuse in their defence. Akshay Shah, a college student says, “My friends and I were just goofing around and we ended up breaking a few window panes in my society. I felt terrible about it,
but I knew that if I admitted to my mistake, then my neighbours would always point at me if anything went wrong. That’s the reason I confessed to my mischief online.”
BEING ANONYMOUS
Whether you confess over a text message or an email, your identity can’t be kept a secret. The internet, on the other hand, gives you the option of confessing and yet remaining anonymous. Says Nitesh Jagtap, a banker, “I lost a lot of money in stocks, but I couldn’t bring myself to reveal this to my wife. So, I decided to go online and ‘download’ my guilt.” He adds, “For people like me who know that they will repair the damage, this is a good option.”
NO REPERCUSSIONS
The first and foremost worry that any wrong-doer has is about the repercussions that he/she will have to face. “Many times, we feel terribly guilty about doing something, but if you don’t want to face the music then the internet is the obvious solution to your troubles. Though, of course, anything you post can be tracked to your computer. The chances of that happening are negligible, especially if it’s not a serious crime you are talking about,” says Manisha Uttam, a call centre executive. She has used the internet to confess her feelings. “I was in a relationship, but I just couldn’t get over my ex. I felt terribly guilty, but I just couldn’t help it. So instead of revealing it to my boyfriend, I wrote about it online.”
TIME TO REFLECT
The fact that you don’t have the sword of repercussion hanging over your head gives you time to think about your mistake and try to make things right. Says psychologist R Rao, “People who fear other’s reactions are definitely going to find this to be a convenient outlet. The pros are that it gives you time to reflect. The negative factor is that you convince yourself that you don’t need to own up to your guilt in front of other people. How each person handles this option is entirely up to them.”